Suffering Silence
by toxic-dreamer-2
Summary: What the shell is going on? and why can't I move? The last thing I remember was going out to pick up some pizzas.. Mikey's P.O.V. hurt/comfort and Mystery too.
1. Chapter 1

**Wow, This is my first tmnt fanfiction. I'm all excited, ever since inspiration hit.**

**This is in Mikey's P.O.V., and I don't give everything away in the first chapter, so you'll have to be patient.**

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Okay, to be completely honest with you, I have no idea what's going on. The last thing I remember was going out to pick up some pizzas, and now I find myself waking up to complete darkness. I'm not even sure if I am awake, but I know for certain I'm not dreaming- if I was dreaming then at least something interesting would be happening, but there's nothing.

Where am I?

I should probably feel panicked right about now, but for some reason the darkness doesn't scare me- strange considering I use to be really afraid of the dark when we were all kids, and am still a little spooked by it sometimes. This darkness isn't scary or creepy though, it's just empty- It's just a bunch of nothingness. I can't help but wonder if it's the reason I feel so detached from everything, almost like I'm floating- I'm not really sure if this place has a floor or ceiling, it feels so surreal.

How did I get here?

I know I'm not exactly a genius or anything - that's always been Donnie's thing- but I've never felt more clueless than I do now.

Did something happen?

Where are my brothers?

I know I should be worried, and a part of me is, but my thoughts seem to drift away almost as soon as I think them. I'm starting to think Leo was right about me needing to learn to focus better, 'cause this is seriously messed up.

I try to raise my arm, to get up, to do anything, but I can't. I feel so light and yet I can't seem to move an inch, I can't even feel myself trying.

What the shell is going on?

"**Mikey.."**

Ah! Okay, If I felt like I had control of my body right now, I would so be jumping out of my skin. Leo's voice just came out nowhere and-wait-Leo!

'_Leo! Leo, where are you?'_

It's strange to hear my voice, I don't think I even opened my mouth, and my words are soon swallowed up by the darkness around me.

"**Mikey…I'm sorry'**

Sorry? What's he talking about? And where is he? It sounds like he's right beside me, but I don't see him, I don't see anything. And is it just me, or does Leo's voice sound kind of rough? Like he hasn't slept in days, or like he's been…crying?

"**I should have been there."**

Okay, now I'm starting to panic- that was Leo's I'm-blaming-myself-for-something- horrible-even-though-it's-not-my-fault voice. Something's happened, something bad, and it obviously has to do with me- probably the reason for where I am now.

"**This is all my fault."**

What's his-Oh shell, am I…am I dead?! Oh my god, I'm dead and now I'm in some kind of strange limbo where I'll be forced to stay the rest of my afterlife, haunted by the mourning words of my family. Oh shell, oh shell, oh shell!

"**I'm suppose to protect you, look out for you,… and I failed." **I can hear his sorrow harden into self hate at his last few words.

Okay, I'm gonna skip right past panicking and go straight for denial. I am not dead- never mind the fact that I'm floating in a dark abyss unable to move or talk- I am not dead. Nope. Not dead.

"**I swear I'll make it up to you," **leo promises. **"No matter what it takes."**

Wait….make it up to me? As in…I might actually still be alive in order for him to make good on the promise?

"**I won't let anything ever happen to you again. To any of you." **he continued. **"I'll be there next time, Mikey, I swear."**

Next time?…Yes! I am alive. Hooray for denial!

But…wait..what happened? What's Leo talking about then? And if I'm not dead then….what is going on?

I wait and listen, and Leo is soon talking again in that sad thoughtful voice that lets me know the whatever did happen, Leo is taking all the blame.

"**I'm not sure what to do." **he confesses, and for moment I wonder if this really is Leo talking. **"Every lead I get turns into a dead in, Donnie's been researching night and day with little results, and Raph…"**

He sighs in hopeless frustration.

"**Raph won't even talk to us. He keeps running off and getting into fights like that's some how going to make it all better and.." **he lets out a frustrated huff and when he speaks again his voice is calm. **"I know it's just 'cause he's worried, he hates feeling helpless just as much as I do."**

Man, I feel seriously out of the loop. How long have I been..um..wherever I am? A while from the sounds of it, especially for Leo to sound so defeated. Whatevers wrong with me is pretty serious from the sounds of it, and yet…I'm not really in any pain at all.

"**Things have been…hard these last few days." **he admits**. "It's been so quiet and tense around here. We really need you, Mikey."**

Okay, so at least I know now that I've been out for a few days, but if Leo keeps going on like this he's going to send me on some kind of guilt trip. I mean, I'm flattered an all too, but seriously.

"**I can't believe I let this happen."**

Great, now he's back to blaming himself.

"**I should have known something was wrong."**

Ugh, if only he could hear me then I'd tell him to stop beating himself up, I'd tell he has nothing to be sorry for- even if I can't remember what he's apologizing for in the first place. I know Leo well enough to know he'd do anything to protect me, and so I know that whatever did happen to me must have been out of his control.

Geesh, Leo takes this Leader thing way to serious- he thinks he's responsible for everything.

"**It's not just about being the leader, ya know. It's about being a big brother too."**

Whoa, it's like he read my mind. Freaky. But I guess he knows me well enough to know what I'd say to him if I could.

"**Sometimes I'm just not sure I'm good at either one."**

Okay, am I in some kind of parallel dimension? Or has Leo just lost his mind? He's an amazing leader, and a terrific big brother. How could he think otherwise?

"**I know you guys look up to me, expect me to have all the answers. Even Raph does sometimes, although he'll deny it." **he sighs, "**But you're all wrong-I'm not perfect, I don't have all the answers. I just always hoped that you wouldn't figure it out, because as unworthy as I am, I was honored by your faith in me."**

Whoa, Leo's really pouring his heart out here. I never thought I'd hear him admit to anything like this. He hates looking weak in front of us.

Wait a minute. Duh, He must think I can't hear him.

"**You were the first one to call me 'fearless leader'," **Leo says, his tone wistful. **"Donnie's only said it a couple times, and Raph only says it when he's being sarcastic or condescending, but…but when you say it, it's like you really mean it."**

I do mean it. Sure, I still think it's a kind of funny nickname, but it suits him.

"**You really believe that, don't you? That I'm not afraid of anything."**

I don't know what to say to that, 'cause I don't think I've ever seen Leo afraid of anything for more than two seconds, and only if that something catches him off guard. He's battled countless foot soldiers, aliens, and creatures from other dimensions, and he never falters.

"**The truth is I'm scared all the time."**

What the? Okay, who turned the crazy on? What is Leo talking about?

"**I'm terrified that something might happen to one of you guys, afraid that I won't be able to protect you, that I'll let you down." **he pauses. **"Anytime you've ever seen me run into danger, put my life on the line for you guys without a second thought, it's not because I'm fearless- it's because I'm more afraid of what would happen if I didn't."**

Whoa. Even if I was able to talk to Leo, I'm pretty sure I'd be speechless at this point. . He seriously should have told us this sooner, I think even Raph would have to respect that. And if Leo thinks that this will somehow lower him in our eyes, he's dead wrong.

"**I'm scared right now, mikey," **

It's strange hearing my usually confident big brother tell me this, his voice so hushed I almost have to strain to hear him.

"**It scares me to see you like this." **he says, **"Not knowing how to help you, or if you'll ever get better."**

If? What does he mean by 'if'?

"**I won't give up though. I know you're strong, and you'll pull through this," **his voice is sure again, and it does provide me with some comfort among my distress. **"You'll find your way back to us, and when you do I'll make good on my promise."**

Find my way back? What- hey what's that?…it's feels like…like someones gripping my hand. Leo! It's faint, although I know his grip is probably tight, it feels distant. Leo really is right beside me though, so..

"**Wake up soon, little brother."**

Wake up?! Are you kidding me! I'm asleep?!

No, that can't be right, I'm definitely awake but…

Aw crud.

I'm trapped inside my own head?

This dark emptiness is what's inside my head?

Man, Raph would have a field day with that.

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**Okay so there was a lot of Leo in this, I know. I'm planning on having all his brothers talk to Mikey, one brother for each chapter, and then maybe master splinter if I feel up to it. **

**I'll slowly drop hints as to what happened as I go, or I might even wait til the last chapter as a big reveal. We'll see.**

**This is my first story in this fandom, so please leave me a review to let me know how I did. **

**Was mikey or leo too OOC?**

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	2. Donnie

**Yah! Chapter two. **

**I own nothing!!**

**Please Enjoy!!**

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I'm not sure how long it's been since Leo left, but since then I've completely come to terms with the fact that I'm trapped- no matter how much I yell at myself to wake up, or try to move any part of my body, nothing works- and as if that wasn't bad enough, now I'm bored.

Okay, okay, so maybe considering the situation that should be the least of my problems, but…man, there's only so much quiet a person can take, and I'm not exactly your average person either. I've been listening to nothing for so long now that I'm almost convinced that silence has it's own sound.

Hm..I'm gonna have to ask Donnie about that later, but only because he always gets this really funny look on his face when I ask those kinds of questions- like part of him is thinking I'm a complete nutcase for asking something so bizarre, while the other half is actually considering the right way to answer. Heh. Yeah.

….Sigh…

I bet Donnie would know what to do if he were in my place. I'm sure the inside of his head isn't anything like mine, it's probably really crowded in his- which I guess would be kind of uncomfortable actually. It would probably be a little noisy too, 'cause he's always thinking so much- I bet even his thoughts would be thinking thoughts.

Hm, I'll have to ask Donnie about that too when I wake up…that is…If I wake up.

Okay, don't think like that Mikey!- you are going to get through this, um, whatever this is. Leo said so, right? Right.

…..

Man, what I wouldn't give for a television set right about now though, or to listen to some music, pretty much anything but-

Wait a sec…I do hear something!

It's like a bunch of clinking noises, it sounds pretty far away, but familiar too. Dude, I know I've heard that before…

Great, now it's stopped- Not that continuous clicking sounds is that entertaining or anything, but it would be a relief to hear something besides my own thoughts right now.

Hold up, I know I just heard someone sigh….and now more clicking noises like…The computer!

Someone's on the computer! And I bet I know who that someone is too- who else? Donnie! I didn't even need Leo to tell me about him researching all the time to know it's him, he's always on the computer for some reason.

Hm, I guess that also confirms the fact that I'm in the infirmary that Don set up. There's only two computers in the lair and I doubt I'm in Donnie's lab right now; I wonder how bad I'm hurt.

Sigh.

Come on, bro; Talk to me here. I need some answers and…and I'm bored!

I hear another distant sigh, more frustrated than tired by the sounds of it, and then a slight squeak. Okay, know I'm positive we're in the infirmary, 'cause I'm always complaining about that annoying squeaky chair he uses- and since it squeaked, that must mean that Donnie moved or-

"**Hey Mikey."**

Yes! Finally someone's paying attention to me. Okay, so Donnie doesn't sound like he's in the best of moods right now, but I'm just happy to hear his voice…any voice besides my own.

"**I…I hope you're not uncomfortable."**

Define 'uncomfortable', Bro- 'Cause not being able to see or talk to anyone isn't exactly my idea of luxury. But I get it, you're worried about me- and it majorly sucks that I can't tell you that I'm fine- as far as I know that is- I'm not in any pain.

"**I'm…I'm sorry Bro."**

Not this again. Donnie, dude, it's not your fault-or Leo's. You guys have to stop doing that whole self blame thing.

"**I've been doing researching and running blood tests all I can but," **Don's voice is painfully helpless as he continues. **"I'm not any closer to figuring out what's wrong."**

Okay, not exactly something I wanted to hear. And what did he mean by blood tests? Why would he need to check my blood?

Okay, Donnie, I'm gonna need a little more info here dude.

"**As far as I can tell, you should have woken up days ago," **Donnie sounds thoughtful yet confused, but there's a certain something in his voice that lets me know he's about to start rambling to himself- which normally is kind of annoying since he uses a bunch of technical lingo, but I'm hoping for any kind of clue as to what's going on.

And I don't have to wait long before Donnie starts talking, in that thoughtful distant voice he uses every time he's trying to solve some kind of difficult puzzle.

"**The amount of blood you lost was bad, ****but not enough for your body to go into any kind of shock. The head injury you sustained was only a mild concussion, and the rest of your injuries were minor." **he let out a half tired, half frustrated sigh. **"You should have only been out for a day, maybe two, but….five days."**

Five days? Dude….what gives? And did he just say that I hit my head and lost a lot of blood? Don't tell me I fell off a roof or something-how lame would that be.

**"...And after the second day you were completely unresponsive to any outside stimuli."**

Okay, don't know what that means, but man, Donnie sounds like he's about to fall apart- When's the last time he slept? Knowing Don, he's probably been surviving on nothing but coffee for the past few days.

"**It's…it's my fault too." **he sounds pained. **"If I'd been more thorough when I first examined you I would have noticed the marks on your neck. I might have been able to find out what they gave you- what it's for, and how to reverse it's effects. "**

Marks? Okay, definitely didn't fall off a roof. Was I..attacked? And they put something in me…inside my blood? Dude. Not cool.

"**I waited too long to know anything for sure now. There's small traces of chemicals in your blood, but I couldn't identify them- neither could April." **His next words are muffled more-so than usual, and I can almost imagine him beside me, his face in his hands. **"I don't even know for sure if that's what causing this. I'm…I'm lost here, bro." **

Same here, Donnie.

sigh.

I wish you could hear me bro- it'd be a shelluva lot easier to comfort you- to at least let you know that I'm not in any pain.

But don't sweat it, Don- I know you'll figure this out, you always do.

"**I know everyone's counting on me. They expect me to be able to fix this." **he pauses for a moment. **"And that's what I do, right? I fix things..I solve problems. Why should this be any different."**

Is it just me or does Don sound a little…bitter? What gives, I thought he liked doing that stuff. He's never complained about it before….but then again…this is Donnie we're talking about. He isn't really the complaining type.

"**Don't get me wrong, Mikey, I'm really glad you guys come to me when you need help with those kinds of stuff. I like being able to fix you're gamedude, or repair your skateboard. I'm proud that Leo asks for my advice, listens to my input. Even Raph with his bike; I'm the only one he'll let work on it besides himself." **He pauses again, thoughtfully.

When he speaks next, his tone is wistful, and there's something of a smile in his voice.

"**Remember when we were kids, and you busted your skateboard for the first time?"**

The first time, huh? Heh, yeah I remember- master Splinter was pretty upset at me for trying to make those jumps; he'd already told me it was too dangerous. Of course, He should of known I'd take that as a challenge more than a warning.

Man, I really wiped out that day. Scraped my arm up and destroyed the board all in one.

But you fixed it bro, like it was no big deal at all. You even helped sensei bandage my arm.

"**You were really bummed out because Master splinter grounded you, and you lost your board, but when I patched it up and brought it back out for you to see….I'll never forget the look on your face." **

Okay, now I'm sure Donnie's smiling. And I can't help but smile too-on the inside of course.

"**Or the way you looked at me." **He continued. "**Like you'd never seen me before, like…like I was one of those superheroes you use to watch on Tv."**

He laughs slightly.

"**Remember what you called me? Don the Repairmon!"** he gives an amused snort at that. "**I gotta tell ya bro, I'm kind of glad that name never caught on."**

Dude, give me a break, I was seven.

"**But it was after that, after seeing how happy I could make you just by doing something I'm good at, that I started wanting to do more. I looked all through the lair, picking up all the old toy you guys broke. I even fixed the toaster that sensei had found."**

Yeah, I remember. You went on some kind of fixing frenzy- anything you could get a hold of, and you were so excited about it too. It was like…like..

"**It was like I finally fit, finally found my place in the family. I was never as good a fighter as you guys; I didn't have Leo's dedication, or Raphs strength, or you're speed and agility. I was just…okay."**

Dude, what are you talking about? You're way more than just okay Donnie. So what if you don't like violence and fighting, or spend hours of extra time training; thats Raph and Leos thing. You're an excellent fighter on your own, and you don't even have to use force and-

"**And it was because of you, bro; you helped me realize that I had my own talents, my own way of helping that could benefit the family just as much. And just by being me."**

Thanks Don, but you're really giving me too much credit here. Yeah, I know, since when am I the modest type? But you would have figured that out for yourself, you didn't need me to show you.

"**And now you really need me," **His tone is despairing, a drastic change from before. **"and despite how smart I am, how smart you **_**think**_** I am, there's just…just nothing I can do."**

Donnie's breathing is getting all hitchy, and I can hear him choking on his words, his voice thick and pained.

**"I..I just…just don't know how to ..to fix this."**

Aw shell...he's doing that deep breathing thing he does when he gets real upset.

I'm happy to say I haven't witnessed that very often, but I know it means he's on the brink of crying, and it's tearing me up inside that I can't do anything about it.

For one stupid second I had almost forgotten about my current situation. I know, pretty dumb of me, but I couldn't help it. For awhile there it really felt like we were communicating, like we always do- like we always did.

Dude, I'm so s-

"**I'm so stupid!"**

Wha-? Did Donnie just…why would he..how?

'_That's not true!'_

I don't even care if he can hear me or not, I just…I can't believe he said that.

Part of me wants to get mad at him for being so hard on himself, but most of me is still in shock and…

And he _is _crying, isn't he? I can hear it now-muffled, barely contained, sobs.

Oh Donnie…please don't.

There's this heaviness inside me now, these rush of emotions that no longer seem distant or dull, but sharp and painful. Guilt and fear and sorrow, for my brothers and for myself. Longing and desperation so strong that for a moment I can physically feel the pain, sharp and intense throughout my body.

There's a quick flash of light.

It's so sudden and startling and..painful...that I feel myself gasp.

"**M-Mikey?…Mikey?!"**

And like flicking off a switch, it's gone.

I don't feel anything anymore…not physically. Not as strong emotionally either. What was that?

But wait…there is something- A gentle pressure on my neck.

"..**Mikey?"**

Is Don checking my pulse? Why? Did something happen?

I wait and listen, the small pressure on my neck leaves, then there's the distant feeling of his hand on my arm.

"**Are…are you really still in there, bro?" **he asks softly.

Something did happen! I must have moved..or…I gasped! Did he hear that? How'd I do that? How can I do it again? Was that even a good thing, and will it hurt that much every time I try?

Shell, this really tanks.

I hear a sigh, this one not as strained, but clearly disappointed.

The pressure on my arm tightens slightly, a reassuring gesture, but it still feels so distant.

"**Don't worry, Mikey." **Don's voice is calm, soothing even. **"Just because I haven't figured this out yet, doesn't mean I won't. I'm not giving up; not on you, and not on myself either."**

I know it's strange, but I already feel better having heard that. Not just the words, but Dons voice- that quite, comforting, tone he uses is like magic. No kidding. I mean, Raph and Leo can be at each others throats sometimes, and all it takes is a few calm rational words from Don to set them straight- well….at the very least they both stop yelling and walk away, but still.

And he isn't crying anymore. Thank shell...that was like torture.

"**I better get back to work." **Don says with renewed confidence. **"I'm sure there's something I missed."**

Oh.

I guess that makes since-for him to get back to researching-but I'm really gonna miss the company. Plus, I think Don need a serious nap time- he's not one to break down and cry so easy.

And why hasn't anyone else said something to him? Isn't that a big brother thing to look out for us younger brothers. Heck, we should be looking out for each other no matter what.

Then again,….I guess they are, aren't they? They're just all looking out for me.

Great.

Donnie's hand slowly leaves my arm.

A moment later I hear clicking sounds again.

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**This one was a bit longer than I intended....I got a little carried away, but hey-this is Donnie, right? You should have been prepared for a lot of talking. Don's one of my favorite turltes, so I hope I did alright- it was difficult to write for him.**

**Guess you know who's next, right? Our favorite hothead, of course! I'm excited about writing for Raph, and I really hope I do him justice-because I'm putting him an emotional situation that would often lead to OOCness.**

**I'm up for the challenge though.**

**Please review!**

**Did I do alright? Does Mikey still sound like Mikey?**


	3. Raph

**I can't believe I'm posting this chapter so soon, and it's a long one too.**

**I really got into this- I had to step back several times and ask myself "Self" I said, "Is this a little too over the top?"**

**I didn't actually get a reply- which was really rude of myself- but I'm sticking with what I got.**

**ENJOY!**

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I don't know how long it's been since Don talked to me, even just a few minutes feels like eternity here. A clock would be helpful, preferably a digital one because the other kind just gives me a headache. I'm really tired of feeling like I'm floating in nothingness too- like some weird twilight zone thing where time doesn't even exist.

It seems like I listened forever to the quiet, almost nonexistent sounds of Donnie continuing his research before hearing the squeak of the chair. He must have gotten up and left-or at least moved farther away- because it's been total silence since then.

I'd like to think he went to catch up on some sleep, but it's more likely that he just went to get some coffee. I wonder if he's been eating.

I know it seems strange, but it's easier to worry about my brothers then it is to worry about myself right now.

But I guess they feel the same way, huh?

Sigh. I feel so useless.

I've tried to figure out how I did…well..whatever it was I did before, but I'm a little bit worried that I might do more harm than good. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience, and Don sounded really alarmed. What if I like, stopped my heart or something?

The thought makes me wanna shiver.

Man,….Don should be back by now…it doesn't take him long to make coffee.

Hm, I wonder if I'll be able to smell it; Don's coffee usually smells really strong. I actually kind of like it- the smell, that is. To tell you the truth, I think the stuff tastes terrible. I don't know how Donnie can stomach it. It's almost as bad as Master Splinters tea. Yuck.

Hey, Don's back!

I just heard the chair squeak….a lot actually. It even sounds closer. Did he just move the chair next to my bed- I'm assuming I'm on some kind of bed here.

Hm, I wonder what he-

"**Hey, Mike."**

Raph!

Man, am I glad to hear you! I was worried for a while there, bro- especially knowing you were out there looking for trouble- you could have gotten seriously hurt, dude.

Whoa, I sounded like Leo just then.

I bet you'd think that was funny- huh, Raph? Me? Sounding like Leo?

Okay, so he doesn't answer, but I wasn't exactly expecting a reply.

He sighs, the heavy suffering-like sigh that only Raph can do.

"**Sorry I aint been to visit ya much."**

His voice is rough, but that's pretty normal for Raph. He sounds more like himself than either Leo or Donnie, and that's a relief.

"**Not like I aint been checkin' in on you or nothing." **he explains. **"Just been kinda busy."**

Yeah, I heard. Nice of you to check in on me, Raphie boy, but I wish you'd have come talk to me sooner; How else am I suppose to know you're okay and- and I know this is gonna sound sappy, but what the heck- I missed hearing you're voice Bro.

"**Didn't much like havin' Don hoverin' over me either." **He comments.

Heh. I know what you mean, Raph. Don can be such a mother hen sometimes-worse even than Leo. And I know how you hate these emotional type situations, especially with an audience. Hm,….where is Donnie?

"**Guess I should be thankin' Leo for finally sending the brainiac off to bed."**

Yes! Alright Leo! I should of known he'd come through, that's just part of who he is. Man, I bet Don put up quite a fight though- I can't imagine him agreeing to that too easily.

Raph lets out a short laugh.

"**Shoulda seen it, Mikey- Leo poured his coffee right down the drain."**

Dude, no way! Haha. Don must have freaked.

"**Gotta give Don credit though-tryin' to talk his way outta it." **Raph says, more serious now. **"Might even have worked it he weren't so exhausted that he nearly fell over."**

And suddenly there's absolutely nothing funny about the situation. And I'm more grateful to Leo than ever.

"**Don says you…" **he pauses, sounding doubtful. **"He said he felt ya move- tense up for a second and start breathin' faster."**

I did? So my heart didn't stop?

Still not sure how I did it though, and if that's what it's going to feel like to be awake-ouch.

'**Leo's startin' to think ya might come outta this on your own." **he continues. **"But I just aint too sure about that, bro."**

Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Raph. But I get, it's not like you're giving up on me, you're just not the optimistic type. Maybe you're afraid to get your hopes up or something, I dunno, but don't worry about it. I understand.

"**No offense or nothin', but ya still look pretty terrible to me."**

And that's just the kind of heartfelt sensitivity I'd expect from you, Raph, thanks a million.

Okay, to be completely honest….I am kind of relieved. Raph is still Raph. Worried, but still together. It really _is_ comforting.

"**Don doesn't think you're in any pain right now, but he don't know for sure." **Raph says. "**Leo says you seem peaceful, like yer sleepin' or something."**

He snorts, and I imagine he's even rolled his eyes.

"**Load of bull if ya ask me."**

Yeah…that sounds like Raph.

"**I mean, I've had to share a room with ya before, so I'd know." **he explains. **"You ain't ever like this when you're sleepin'. Ya always gotta be movin' around, tossin' and turnin', and even mumblin' a buncha nonsense."**

Hey, at least I don't snore.

"**It aint right." **his voice is softer now, serious again. **"Seein' you all still and quiet like this, bro."**

And I wish so much that I could say something, or somehow move just a little, 'cause I know Raph's more bothered by this then he's letting on.

He sighs, agitated. "**This shouldn'ta happened." **

Before I can even think of a response, Raph growls- that frustrated, angry sound I've heard so many times before. Then there's a bang, his fist connecting with something solid- whatever I'm laying on I guess- and I inwardly jump at the sound; unable to do much else.

"**I'm gonna get whoever did this to ya, Mikey." **he growls lowly. **"I swear I'm gonna make 'em pay."**

Um...I'm flattered dude, but what are you talking about?

Make _who _pay? And what exactly did they do to me? And why? This doesn't sound like something The Foot would do.

But Raphs using his I'll-get'revenge-if-it's-the-last-thing-I-do voice, and that's never a good sign. Of course, Leo already told me about Raph going topside to pick fights-but I just figured he was blowing off steam.

He's been looking for whoever did this to me though, hasn't he? Duh, of course he has- that so like Raph; Crazy, and reckless, and way to eager for a fight- especially if it means defending the family.

And he just wouldn't be Raph if he wasn't all those things-And I wouldn't change him for the world.

"**They'll regret ever messin' with this family." **He vows, his voice lower and more deadly. **"There aint gonna be a next time. I swear it, Bro."**

His words are eerily similar to Leo's except for his threatening tone. It's weird how they can be so different, and yet so alike. Except that Leo blames himself- he takes his fight inward. Even if Raph does blame himself, he still always takes the fight to someone else- usually without thinking it through.

Couple of headcases, those two.

Raph makes a noise, sort of a frustrated half-grunt.

The next word he says is spoken to himself.

"**Leo." **

Uh oh.

You can tell he's pissed just from how he says it.

"**He thinks I'm just bein' stupid- runnin' off like some nutcase." **

Yep, he's mad.

Sounds like it's venting time.

"**At least I'm doin' somethin'; not just sittin' around feelin' guilty, or burryin' myself in the computer even though I know there aint nothing there to help ya."**

Man,…I hope he didn't tell Donnie that. Even if it's true, this researching is all Don's got.

I'm positive he's already yelled at Leo for not taking action, but that's a typical Raph and Leo argument for this type of situation. Nothing new there.

"**I just…I hate all this waiting, and not knowing," **he complains, some of the fight leaving him, although he still sounds annoyed. **"I hate seein' you like this, and not bein' able to do anything."**

He sighs, and then there's the distant feel of his hand resting on my shoulder.

"**Feels like everythings fallen apart here, bro." **His tone is calmer, more serious. **"With Don workin' himself into exhuastion, and Leo blamin' himself fer what happened; he hardly has enough energy to argue with me. And Master Splinter…"**

Raph sighs, finally letting his exhaustion show through, and something in me goes a little colder.

What about Master Splinter? Is he okay?

Raph!?

"**I aint ever seen him look so…so old."**

'_He's not old!'_

Okay, I know he can't hear me, but I can't help it. I hate it when he mentions anything about sensei being old, or getting old, or..or anything like that.

Master Splinter could kick all our shells, and the shredders too. He's not old.

"**When you didn't wake up after those first two days, he tried to reach ya through meditatin'." **Raph informs me, his voice almost reluctant. **"Said he couldn't find ya though….that you're spiritual self was resting- whatever the shell that means."**

Spiritual self? Is that what I am right now? Just some spirit version of me?

"**Also said there were too many barriers up around your mind." **he lets out a humorless half laugh. **"Never thought you're head would be so hard to get into, bro."**

It's even harder to get out of, dude. Trust me.

"**Splinter said it was a natural defense- you're mind and you're spirit protecting itself because of…because of the physical pain." **

His grip on my shoulder tightens slightly, his voice seems to crack under some strain…some emoition.

And then he just lets it loose.

"**Darn it, Mikey!" **he yells. **"Why the shell didn't you call us sooner?! Why'd you wait until it was almost too late?! Are you that much of an idiot!"**

Okay, I know anyone else would probably be really mad at this point, but not me. It isn't just because I don't remember half of what he's talking about either; like the fight/attack, or me trying to call the guys for help.

I'm not mad because…well...because _he's_ not mad. Not really. Not at me at least.

And even though it's faint, I can feel the trembling in his hand on my shoulder, and hear the despair in his voice-just below the anger.

"**This shouldn'ta happened." **

And now there's just despair.

"**You should be up makin' bad jokes, and complain' about how bored you are." **he says. **"You should be draggin' Donnie outta the lab to play video games, gettin' on my nerves so bad that I end up chasin' you around the room, and then makin' Leo lecture you about growin' up even though we both know he don't mean it- that he wouldn't want ya to change for nothing."**

The hand on my shoulder leaves, and it's quiet for awhile. He hasn't gotten up, or I would have heard the chair, so he must be….he must be watching me. Okay, that's sweet and a little creepy too.

"**I'm..I'm sorry, Bro."**

Ugh, Raph, not you too! What is with you guys- is Klunk going to come in next and meow some apology at me too? It's not you're fault!

And of course…he can't hear me.

"**When you called I.. it was just a buncha background noise, and I figured it was one of yer lame-o pranks." **he tells me, **"So when the phone cut out….I didn't think nothin' of it."**

His voice is full of guilt and self-blame just like Leo's before.

"**When Leo asked what ya called about I…I said you were just messin' around- he wanted me to call you back though, to make sure, but I just tossed him the phone; Told him he could make the call if he wanted, but I wasn't gonna be the one soundin' like an idiot fer your amusement."**

Ouch.

He pauses. And I can understand the reason he'd feel guilty, but that still doesn't mean I blame him. It's not like-

**"He waited."** Raph whispered. **"He said he'd give you a little more time."**

Shell. It's not like Leo takes Raph's advice very often, and so it must really kill him that...man.

Leo doesn't blame Raph though, and neither do I.

**"He didn't wait too long though, a few minutes maybe, but when he did call..."** Raph sighs. **"I could tell by the look on his face somethin' wasn't right. Don noticed too- he asked Leo if you just weren't answerin'."**

Raph lets out a deep breath, like he's been holding it for a long time now.

"**That's when Leo told us the line was dead."**

Okay, insert eerie music here. I can pretty much guess where this is headed.

**"Leo had Don trace your shellcell, even with line bein' down it still trasmitted a signal. But it wasn't anywhere near the pizza place, or the lair….it wasn't movin' either."**

Okay, I know I said that I wanted I know what happened but I've changed my mind. I know it's selfish, I can tell that Raph really needs to get this off his chest but…but it's really freaking me out. Just the sound of Raphs voice, his deliberately slow breaths as he fights for control over his emotions.

And usually...His emotions win.

"**We found the phone…." **he pauses again, probably lost in his own memories. **"One of yer chucks we're close by-broken-....And the blood…"**

Please, bro….don't tell me, I don't wanna know.

"**If ya hadn'ta left a trail, it might of taken us longer to find you."**

A..a trail? Of b-blood? Oh man.

"**When we did though, you were..You were just so ..so still and..pale..."**

Please, Raph; if I'm ever able to dream again then you're gonna give me nightmares.

**"..and the blood. I thought-"**

He stops suddenly, unable to continue himself; and I'm both grateful and distressed.

"**I'm sorry." **he manages after a moment, and I'm almost startled when I feel a light touch on the side of my face.

The gesture is just so..un-Raph-like.

And I finally, truly, understand how hard this must be for him. For all of them. Not knowing if I'm okay, if I'll make it? And I know exactly what that feels like too, because it was just the same when Leo got hurt that time.

It was…it was the worst feeling in the world.

And I'm putting my family through that all over again.

Raph sighs, then let's out a strange kind of forced laugh.

"**You'd probably think I was a big idiot…blubbering like some kid who's lost their favorite toy or something'- like it's gonna do anyone any good."**

You'd be wrong, bro.

"**Truth is," **he admits. **"I need my annoying, boneheaded, little brother back." **

Heh, I knew you were just a big softie under all that hard shell, bro.

And…man…I really miss you guys.

I feel his hand pull away from my face, and something in me just…just breaks.

I want to beg for him to stay, to talk to me, to grip my shoulder again, let me know he's still there. I need him to remind me that I still have a body to get back to, and people who care about me, who want me back.

I hear the squeak of the chair.

No!..no no no no!

I try to reach out, desperate- more terrified than I've ever been of this darkness that surrounds me. Terrfied that I'll never see my families faces again. And the fear is overwhelming.

And then there's pain, sudden and intense just like before.

And pure white light..brighter than anything, filling my vision, intensifying the horrible fiery pain in the back of my skull.

And I'm pulled back, almost without realizing, flinching away from the blinding light all on my own and back into safe haven of darkness; where I feel nothing.

"**-hear me, bro?! Mikey!?"**

What the..?

I must have…I almost...

Raphs shaking my shoulder, patting my face, calling my name.

And I feel like such a coward. A failure.

And I only feel worse when I hear another voice enter the room, it's tone a forced calm used to poorly conceal his obvious concern- but soothing all the same.

"**Raphaeal!"**

Father.

"**My son, what has happened?"**

I'm so sorry.

* * *

**So...do you think that was too much? Raph's whole 'phone call' story? I thought I might be pushing it a bit with that.**

**As for Raph himself, I tried to get his accent ...but I wasn't entirely sure. I think most of the stuff he said sounded like him though. **

**and the chapter in general?- Whoa...It's my favorite so far-if only just because I had so much fun writing it.**

**Please review! **

**What are your thoughts on the whole 'spiritual' aspect I'm planning into this- 'cause theres more to come from that in the next chapter.**


	4. chapter 4

**Okay, here we go.**

**I really hope I didn't lose any readers with my last chapter- seeing as I didn't get as many reviews. Discouraging considering I was fairly proud of that chapter, but oh well. I've still got the inspiration to write, and I still have people who want me to coninue- so that's good enough for me.**

**Enjoy the read.**

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I expected some kind of half-angry, half-worried reply from Raph when Master Splinter asked for an explanation, and so I was a little put-off when he didn't say anything at all.

"**Raphael."**

Sensei's using his calm gentle voice- the one that's helped me after so many nightmares as a child- and I can't help but wonder for a moment if Raph's in some kind of shock.

"**..Raph?"**

What the? When did Leo get here?

He sounds so unsure of himself, concerned too…but you can hear the unspoken question in his voice; what's going on?

And it seems to snap Raph out of whatever kind of trance he was in.

"**Mikey, he…" **Raph's voice is somewhat hushed, his tone both disbelieving and distressed. **"It was like what Don said- he just…tensed up alluva sudden and..and his breathing got all fast."**

There's silence for a moment, and I try to imagine the looks they might be giving.

"**But that's a good thing, right?" **Leo asks, calm and rational, but obviously picking up on Raphs own tone of voice. **"It means he must be trying to wake up."**

Not an easy thing to do either, dude.

**"Raphael." **Sensei says again. "**What is it that troubles you, my son?"**

Raph sighs.

"**Just the way he looked sensei- like he was in allota pain." **

You got that right, bro.

"**I tried talkin' to 'im, but I don't think he heard me."**

Sorry Raph, but I was a little distracted.

"**I see." **Sensei sounds thoughtful.

"**Maybe we oughta go wake up Don." **Raph suggests. **"He might know somethin'."**

Aw shell. Don't do that, bro; Leo just put him to bed, and I hate to admit it, but I don't think there's anything he can do.

"**I do not believe that will be necessary." **

Yes-you tell 'em sensei!

"**Donatello is already awake."**

What?

There's a pause and then,

"**Donatello." **Leo's voice- and man, he sounds annoyed.

"**I thought I told you to get some sleep."**

If I could, I'd so be rolling my eyes right now. Like getting Donnie to sleep was really that simple- I should have known better.

"**I'm not going to go to sleep just because you throw away my coffee and shove me in a bed." **

See?

He sighs, sounding much closer than before.

"**Besides, I just couldn't- same reason you can't."**

I feel a bit guilty hearing this, especially the silence that follows, and the distant sensation of my brother checking my pulse like before.

There's another pause before Raph gets impatient.

"**Well?"**

Don sighs again.

"**His pulse is normal." **he replies, his voice in doctor-mode. **"He doesn't seem to be responding to anything- everything appears to be the same as before."**

"**But that's twice in the last 24 hours that he's reacted like that." **Leo points out. **"That must mean something. Maybe he's starting to come around."**

"**Maybe he can't 'cause he's in too much pain." **Raph puts in, sounding irritated. **"Ya shoulda given 'em somethin', Don."**

"**I already told you, Raph; I didn't want to introduce anything into his system, especially not knowing what he might have already been given- and any pain medication I might have administered to him would have only kept him under even longer." **Don explains, sounding as if he's had to repeat this a dozen times before. **"Besides, he shouldn't be in too much pain, anyway."**

I'd have to disagree with you there, bro- if what I just went through is any indication. It definitely felt painful…really really painful.

"**And how would you know?" **Raph asks, angry, challenging. **"You don't got all the answers, bro- if ya did, we wouldn't be havin' to guess what's wrong with Mikey right now- or how to fix it."**

Ouch.

"**Don't you think I know that?" **Don half yells back. "**I'm doing everything I can and-"**

"**- And what?" **Raph demands. **"And nothin, that's what."**

"**Raph, that's enough."**

And it's big brother Leo to the rescue.

"**Shut it, Leo." **Raph growls. "**This don't concern you, so just keep your lecturin' to yourself."**

"**Doesn't concern me?" **

Whoa…Leo's upset.

"**It ain't like you've been doin' anything to help-just sittin' around here waitin'." **Raph retorts.

"**And what would you have me do, Raph?" **Leo asks, or rather sneers. **"Go running off without a second thought, picking fights and interrogating every lowlife I come across? Leave the rest of my family behind to worry about where I am, and if I'll make it back safe? Like we don't have enough to worry about beside-"**

**"-I thought I said to keep the lecturing' to yourself!" **Raph snaps.

"**Stop it, both of you." **Don again, our resident peace keeper-although his usually calm voice seems strained. "**This isn't helping."**

"**And niether are you." **Raph says. **"You may as well go back to bed."**

"**Raph, leave Don alone. This isn't-"**

**"He's actin' like I'm some kinda idiot." **Raph argues. **"I know what I saw- I ain't stupid. I don't care what the boy genius over here thinks he knows."**

**"I never said you were st-"**

"**You don't haveta!" **

"**Raph, that's still no excuse to-"**

"**Oh, give it a rest already, Leo, you're so-"**

"**Guys, quit it. You're giving me a headache and-"**

**"-And who cares!"**

"**Raph, I swear I-"**

**"You'll what, fearless? I dare ya."**

"**Ugh! You're impossible!"**

"**This is ridiculous. You both sound-"**

'_Guys, stop it!'_

Man, I can't take this. I can't even get a thought out in between all their arguing- even they can't finish their own sentences.

Why are they arguing? This is nuts.

Someone needs to-

"**Enough!"**

Silence.

I sigh, relieved.

How could I forget that sensei was in the room? I'm surprised he let them argue this long. But man, you gotta admire how sensei can get us all to shut up and listen just like that. It's impossible not to when he uses that tone of voice- you know they'll be trouble if you don't straighten up and shut your beak.

Master splinter lets out a small sigh.

"**Raphael." **Nice and calm. **"I understand that you are upset, my son."**

Raph doesn't reply, but I'm guessing he's either too mad, or too ashamed- probably a little of both. No doubt he's glaring down at his feet right now- eye contact during these types of scenarios is kind of a no-no with him.

"**You are worried about Michelangelo; as are we all." **Master Splinter observes. **"But do not let your feelings of worry and helplessness manifest into anger and frustration- especially towards those closest to you."**

A sigh from Raph, who I'm guessing is still a bit tense.

"**In such difficult times, our bond as a family is the most important thing we have." **Sensei says, and you can tell he's no longer just talking to Raph. **"We must be strong, and not let ourselves become distant or bitter towards one another. I am certain Michaelangelo would not wish for this to happen."**

It's weird hearing him talk about me like that, but he's right. I hate knowing how much this is affecting my bros.

"**He'd probably say I needed a time out or somethin'." **Raph mutters.

A small hesitant chuckle from Don, "**Or that we all need to take a chill pill."**

Totally.

"**And then he'd say something so ridiculous that we'd all forget what we were arguing about in the first place." **Leo muses, his tone of voice fond-wistful.

"**Ain't nobody better at distractions than Mikey."**

And just like that- the fighting's over.

It's weird hearing them talk like this about me. At least before, they were talking _to _me- it seemed almost normal. But now? It's like reminding me again that I'm not..not there- not with them.

I'm the center of attention and yet I've never felt more left out.

"**Raph, I'm sorry about before." **Don says. **"I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I know you're not stupid and-"**

**"Don't worry about it, braniac." **Raph replies. **"I should be the one apologizin' anyway. I know you've been doin' yer best and I…I didn't mean what I said before."**

aw, how cute. It's a brother to brother moment- ya gotta love it.

"**I think we're all a little on edge." **Leo says.

No kidding, bro.

"**I really **_**do**_** believe what you said before, Raph." **Don admits, bringing the subject up again. **"It just that I haven't read anything about this in any of my recent research- coma related or otherwise. I honestly don't know what to make of it"**

Coma? Duh, of course- I really should have picked that up sooner.

I've seen enough of Sensei's soap opera's to have recognized that.

"**I believe I may know what has caused this reaction, my sons."**

Huh? What now?

"**Sensei?"**

Sensei knows? Even I don't know what I did.

"**What is it, Master Spinter?" **Leo asks, in that intent voice of his- and I just know he'll be hanging on sensei's every word- he always does. Of course, this time I think we all will. Me too.

**"I believe your brother's spirit has awakened****." **he states. "**While the three of you were bickering, I attempted to sense him- and although faint, I indeed felt Michelangelo's prescence."**

Again I wish I could see the looks on their faces. Relieved? Hopeful?

"**I believe he has been trying to awaken to this plane of existance, but a part of his spirtual self is damaged- blocking him from fully gaining conciousness." **he reveals. **"It is a difficult task to overcome one's own mind- even painful in some cases."**

No kidding.

"**But there is a way, isn't there Master Splinter?" **Leo asks.

Good question, bro.

"**Yes. There is a way."**

Great! Just tell me what to do!

"**But you're brother must overcome this himself."**

What? You have to be kidding me. Come on sensei….I can't do this alone. I've already failed at that.

"**Ain't there somethin' we can do, sensei?" **Raph asks, also not happy with his reply.

"**Maybe we could reach him through meditation?" **Leo suggests. **"Isn't that what you tried to do before?"**

"**Yes, Leonardo, but I'm afraid that neither you, nor your brothers, are disciplined enough to contact him."**

"**Can't you, Master Splinter?" **Don asked, quiet until now.

He's never been so good with all the spirtual mystical stuff- he's too level headed for his own good sometimes. But I know he believes in sensei- no question. And man, I really hope that-

"**I shall attempt to reach you're brother in the astroplane," **Sensei says. **"Hopefully he will sense me, and I shall be able to speak with him- to offer him guidance as much as I can."**

Yes-Guidence! That's exactly what I need- a master to student, father to son, pep talk. Or more to the point- I need my father to hold my hand and take me through this himself.

Whatver works. I'm just syked that I might even get to talk to him.

"**Should I get the candles, sensei?"**

"**No thank you, Leonardo." **he kindly declines. **"I shall be fine as I am. Though I ask that you all remain silent as I proceed- as I am sure you do not wish to leave you're brothers' side- and I would never ask you to do so."**

"**Hai, sensei."**

Mutual silence.

A deep breath from Sensei.

I'm not sure what I have to do in order for him to reach me- or for me to reach out to him. I don't think I'm in the astroplane, or whatever he called it.

But I gotta do something. Maybe he could hear me?

'_Sensei?…Father?'_

_..._

Nothing. But I gotta try harder. Think harder.

"_Sensei. Father. please. Sensei. I can't do this by myself.'_

_.._

Sensei. Father.

...

'_I need you.'_

_..._

I feel warmth...something pulling me away from here, and I let it take me.

_..._

_Please._

..And slowly the darkness in front of me gives into light, the emptiness that once stretched before me becomes a vast meadow. I can almost feel the ground beneath me; fresh green grass.

I'm able to look down and…and see my own two hands!

Well, this is…different.

And different has to be good, right?

"Michelangelo."

I look up, startled.

"F-father?"

Different is definitely good.

* * *

**Not much happening in this chapter, I know, but we're getting somehwere.**

**BTW, How was Master Splinter?**

**Did it sound like him? And did what he was saying make sense?**

**Please let me know.**


	5. chapter 5

**Enjoy the read.**

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It's him. It's really him.

The robe, the walking stick, fur and all- walking towards me, his expression both relieved and worried, his eyes gentle.

I can't move, can't think of anything to say. All this time not being able to speak to any of them, and _now _I'm struck speechless. How lame is that? I just sit there on my knees staring up at him like I've never seen him before- almost afraid that he'll vanish if I'm not careful.

He's kneeling down on one knee in front of me, holding his cane in one hand as his other hand reaches out toward me in a familiar gesture of comfort.

"Michelangelo."

It's this that finally brings me to my senses, and with a sudden relieved cry I launch myself into his arms, my larger arms going around his waist, my head buried into the front of his robes- just holding on, not wanting to ever let go.

I can tell my sudden embrace startles him, but he quickly settles into the hug; one of his hands goes to rest gently on the top of my head.

"It is alright, my son."

The words are meant to be reassuring, but a lump seems to form in my throat, tears burn in my eyes and..and I'm crying- like I'm five years old again, waking up from a terrible nightmare.

Only this is worse, because I know I'm not really awake at all.

"S-sensei." My voice is hushed now. "I..I missed you."

And I have. I hadn't realized how much until now.

"And I have missed you as well." He tells me. "As have your brothers."

I nod into the front of his robe, suddenly even more aware of how much I miss my bros- wishing I could see them too. I swallow thickly, burrying my face even further into his robes as if to hide.

Sensing my distress, Master Splinter lets his cane drop to the ground and moves his newly freed hand up to rub the back of my shell.

He shushes my gently.

"It is alright."

It feels so real; the sound of his voice, the feel of his touch, even the smell of incense on his robe and yet....

"No, It's…it's not okay."

I pull away slowly, taking a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"This isn't real." I murmur, looking at the ground, defeated.

His hand on my shoulder- so _real_, so _familiar_- draws my attention to his face.

"And what is real, my son?" he asks, in that wise patient voice of his. "Can you not hear me? See me? Feel my touch?"

"Yes, but-" I trail off, unsure. "I'm not awake."

"Perhaps not on the physical plane of this world," he says. "But here it is your mind that controls these senses."

"Um..whats that mean exactly?  
He smiles slightly, reassuringly.

"It means that my spirit is with you, My son- and my presence here is no illusion."

I nod slightly, just now noticing the warmth that surrounds me; the same warmth that pulled me here. Is that sensei? Am I sensing his spirit?

I shake my head, deciding not to think too much into things.

"Well, whatever this is," I say, staring up at him with a sincere half-smile. "I'm glad you're here."

He nods kindly, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"And do you know where here is, my son?" He asks, curious.

I think for a moment, nearly about to blurt out that we're in some kind of meadow before giving myself a mental kick.

"Um…the astroplane thingy.. place?"

He nearly smiles at my uncertain phrasing of the answer. "That is correct, my son."

I smile some."I thought that's what you said."

He raises two fury eyebrows.

"Ah, so you could hear us then." A statement, not a question- As if I'd only just confirmed what he already suspected.

"Yeah. Sorta." I say. "It's a pain in the shell though, not being able to talk back."

"And what do you know of your current situation, my son?"

My situation?

Donnie's words come back to me- that I lost a lot of blood, that I hurt my head. Then Raphs story-my still body…so pale.

I swallow.

"I'm hurt."

It's the only thing I can think to say, but I regret it instantly when I see sensei's concerned, sorrowful expression.

"Yes," he replies with a nod, "But it is not just your physical injuries that concern me."

I frown.

Duh, of course- I'm in some kinda coma or something.

"Sensei, I'm.." I look down, unable to meet his gaze. "I don't know how to wake up."

A thoughtful pause.

"Is it that you do not know how? or is it that something is keeping you here?" he asks.

I flinch. He knows. Of course he knows; he's sensei. But I'm so ashamed, so disappointed in myself- and he will be too, wont he? If it had been any of my brothers they would have already figured it out- they wouldn't have let a little pain stop them. But me? I'm…afraid.

I let out a shaky breathe, keeping my head bowed.

I want to apologize but can't find my voice- or maybe my courage.

His hand is on my face now, tilting my chin up to look him in the eyes. But there's no anger, no disappointment- just understanding…and somehow that hurts too, because I don't feel like I deserve it.

"I know it is difficult, Michelangelo, but you are strong; stronger even than you realize." he tells me, but despite his words, I don't think I could feel any smaller than I do now, any weaker.

"It ..it hurts." I say, voice cracking. "It hurts too much."

A look flickers across his face, and I can almost feel his longing to make this all better-to take away the pain. If only it was that simple- it use to be; Back when Sensei's voice alone could chase away the monsters in my mind, and when a glass of milk and a Japanese lullaby could send me off to sleep without fear.

The look passes, and his emotions are in check.

"It is only natural for you to wish to avoid such discomfort." He says calmly. "I understand this instinct, and do not fault you for possessing it."

Both hands on my shoulders.

"But understand also, My son, that this pain is an illusion; it is not real."

I frown slightly. Illusion?

"No offense, sensei, but it felt pretty real to me."

"As do I." He responds.

I think on this for a moment, uncertain; lost.

Sensei must notice my confusion as he tries to answer my unspoken questions.

"If you are to return to us, my son, then you must find your way past this illusion," he tells me. "You must push yourself beyond what your mind is telling you to be true."

I shake my head, only more confused by Sensei's riddle of an answer. I'm not Leo, I can't just pick up on these kinds of things just like that.

"But how? How do I get past it? I need you're help sensei."

His expression is sad, regretful.

"I am sorry, my son, but this is something you must overcome yourself."

I know he said that before when speaking to Leo, but I had hoped…

I sigh.

"You must discipline your mind." He tells me, expression serious. "Focus your thoughts, not on the pain, but on your destination."

"Uh, sensei?" I say, raising an eye ridge. "You do know it's me you're talking to, right? Michelangelo? Discipline and focus aren't exactly my strong points."

His expression softens slightly, but is still serious.

"I have faith in you, My son." he says. "I know that you will find your way back to us."

"Okay." I say with false confidence. "I'll try my best."

Hand on my shoulder again.

"Then I am certain I shall be speaking with you again soon," he says, giving me a small smile.

I smile back before going in for another hug- this one not as sudden, although I'm just as reluctant to let go.

He doesn't have to say anything, I know our time here is nearly up- the area around us has gradually become dimmer, leaving only this small patch of grass where me and sensei are seated. I can feel his warm presence growing dimmer as well. I close my eyes as he gently rubs my head.

"Be strong, My son." he whispers and I can feel the darkness returning, my sense of reality leaving along with my sensei's warmth- my fathers spirit.

He's gone- and now the darkness no longer seems so unfeeling, but somehow colder, less welcoming, less safe.

_'s-sensei?'_

Silence is my only answer, and a swell of emotions hit me all at once.

My fear of never being with my family again, of being all alone.

My guilt of hearing the sorrow and self blame in my brothers voices.

My longing to feel Sensei's gentle touch, or see my brothers smiling faces.

Determined, desperate, I reach out again; there's no way I'm spending the rest of my life trapped in this..this nothingness- I can't stand not being able to see or speak to my family any longer.

I don't fight theses feelings- and instead I let them pull me until the pain becomes real- or as real as an illusion can be.

A flash of light-White surrounding me; too bright, too painful.

_Focus…gotta focus._

But it's like there's knives cutting into my skin, tearing at my muscles as sharp blazing pain shoots through my skull.

I cry out, but hear nothing. It feels like my insides are on fire; pain coursing through my body in wave after wave of agony.

_No! No!_

_Think about something else, anything else!_

Home.

Home and Family.

I cling to that thought, forcing myself to think only about them; My family.

"**Things have been..hard these last few days…..We really need you, Mikey." **

Leo.

Our fearless leader; He's always thinking ahead, always looking out for us, and always willing to do whatever it takes to keep us safe. He's stubborn and a little too tense at times, he take's on more responsibility than anyone I know and way more blame than he needs to- But He's also the brother that seems to have a little extra patience just for me; the brother that encourages me more than anything to do my best, and is always there to help me realize exactly what that is.

"**Don't worry, Mikey…...I'm not giving up; not on you, and not on myself either."**

Don.

The smartest turtle around; He can fix anything from a scrapped knee to an intergalactic laser gun; he always has an answer for everything, and a nonviolent solution to any problem. He spends way too much time at the computer, he has a bad habit of taking on too many projects at once, and he's prone to making long boring speeches- but he's also the brother that always finds the time to help me fix my mistakes; the brother that's even better at listening to problems than he is at solving them, and who's always willing to lend a shoulder to cry on.

"**Truth is…I need my annoying, boneheaded, little brother back."**

Raph.

The resident tough guy; he's always been the most passionate about what he feels, always willing to say what's on his mind no matter what, and he never backs out of a fight. He's headstrong, too quick to rush into danger, too easy to get upset, and just as stubborn as Leo- but he's the brother that's always got my back in a fight, the brother who doesn't care to break the rules if it means having a little fun, and who's always there to give me that little extra push I need.

"**I have faith in you, My son."**

Master Splinter. Father. Sensei.

There's almost too many things to say. He's a strict teacher, a loving father, a fierce fighter. He can calm you down with just a few choice words or a simple touch, or silence you with just a look. He's patient moreso than Leo, he's wise in a way that Donnie isn't, he's stronger even than Raph but not as angry. He loves us all, no matter what, despite any faults we may have; he knows us better than we know ourselves sometimes.

He's the center of our family.

He's home.

**Home.**

-And now theres only voices echoeing in my head, pushing back all the pain except a pulsing in the back of my skull.

**"..nice one, Mikey....you alright, bro?...come'er you knucklehead....well done, Michelangelo....be careful, Mikey....you can do this......you're such a goofball.....goodnight, my son.....don't worry about it,bro....I got yer back.....wake up soon, little brother...be strong, my son....Michelangelo... Mikey...mike!"**

Another flash.

"Mikey?"

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**I don't know about you guys, but I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.**

**I've got a feeling it's going to be a lot of fun to write.**

**Please review!**


	6. waking up

**Ta Da!**

**I Updated!!****

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**

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Darkness.

For a moment I almost start to panic- I mean, after everything I just went through, this so wasn't even fair- but then I realize that something's different; It doesn't feel like I'm floating anymore.

In fact, there's something solid beneath me. Soft too. I can _feel _it, really feel it. And that's not the only thing I can feel either- my entire body is aching, ugh.

It's nothing compared to the pain I felt just a few seconds ago, or the numbness before, so that's a relief. Mostly my body just feels stretched out and worn- heavy too.

I try and move, tensing when a sharp pain shoots from my right shoulder down my arm.

Shell,…that hurt.

"Mikey?"

Someone says my name, and even though I know it was one of my brothers, I can't seem to figure out who.

My mind feels foggy, and there's a pounding in the back of my skull.

I groan, moving my head slightly.

A hand is placed there, familiar and as real as ever.

"Michelangelo."

I turn my head toward Sensei's voice on my right, relaxing slightly as his thumb rubs against my brow, taking away some of the pain.

"It is time to wake up now, my son."

Wake up? How could I forget that?

I squeeze my eyes together tight, moving slightly but with some effort.

I can't help but groan from the soreness in my body, and I feel someone take the hand on my left; the sensation no longer dull or distant like before.

Finally I force my eyes open a crack, only to shut them again due to the bright lighting of the room-which causes my head to ache even more.

I groan again and the hand that is still holding mine tightens.

Someone says something in a hushed tone and a second later the lights are dimmed.

Relieved, I try again, this time more slowly.

My eyes open and I turn my head slightly toward three blurry green figures. I blink, trying to clear my vision.

"Mikey?"

Another few blinks and things start to come into focus- I can see my brothers faces, concerned and anxious.

I see that it's Leo's hand that's holding onto mine and I give it a weak squeeze.

He smiles, reassured by the simply gesture that I'm aware of what's going on.

"Mikey."

All the tension seems to drain out of Leo as he says my name, prompting relieved smiles from both my other brothers too.

Ignoring my body's aches and pains, I smile back- or at least I try to. Not entirely sure if I succeeded, but they seem pleased enough.

Raph smirks.

"Well, well, looks like sleepin' beauty's finally awake." he says, his sarcastic words doing nothing to mask his relief.

Still, I give him a wry look and stick out my tongue- noticing also how dry my mouth feels-like it's full of cotton balls.

This seems to lighten the mood, and they all let out a small laugh.

Yep, sense of humor still intact.

"It's good to have you back, Mikey." leo says smiling down at me.

"You had us worried," Don admits, although calm. "How are you feeling?"

Like I got my shell kicked from here to the next city- but of course, I won't tell him that. I finally have the chance to let them know I'm okay, and I'm not going to ruin it by complaining over something I know will go away in time.

I open my mouth to speak, but find that my throat is just as dry as my mouth. In stead of words, I'm only able to make a kind of rasping noise. It tickles my throat and I start coughing.

And it hurts.

Pain flares up around my ribs, and I'm sure that I've broken a few- or at least bruised them.

"Raph, go get some water." Don says, and Raph makes no complaint as he quickly leaves the room.

I try and stop, but every time I take a breathe It just leads to more coughing- and man…it's hurts. I close my eyes at the pain, and more coughing follows, with short gasps for breathe in between.

There's voices around me, trying to get my attention, but I can barely make out what's being said.

"…Calm…My son.."

"..easy….bro.."

"-elp…up, Leo"

Someone pulls me into a sitting position, gripping my good shoulder as another hand is laid on my shell. The sudden change in position makes me feel dizzy.

"Mikey, listen to me."

Leo.

"You need to calm down- take slow breaths."

I'm trying, Bro.

I'm filling my lungs with all the air I can, but it's not helping. I..I need more air…I can't breathe!

"_Slow_, Mikey." Leo stresses, his voice still calm. "Smaller breaths."

why didn't I think of that? The shorter breaths don't hurt my ribs as much, or make me want to cough more. Leo is rubbing my shoulder and whispering comforting words that I can hardly make out- but it helps too.

I open my eyes again, panting softly with only a few small coughs in between.

I want to thank him- I even open my mouth to try but-

"Don't talk yet, Mikey." Don says from behind Leo. "It'll make you start coughing again."

Duh- talk about a short term memory problem.

Raph soon rushes in, a glass of water in his hand- man, that looks good.

Leo moves aside to make room, his hand leaving my shoulder only to be replaced with Raphs.

"Thirsty, bro?" he asks, the smile on his face is obviously for show- I can tell he's worried.

I start to raise my hand to reach for the glass, but he either doesn't notice or thinks I'm to weak to do it myself. He moves the glass up to my mouth, and I'm not going to protest to a little baby treatment if it means getting some water.

His hand goes from my shoulder to the back of my neck for support.

"Here ya go, Mikey." he says, his voice actually gentle.

Relief floods through me as the cool wet water enters my dry mouth, and I could almost cry as it soothes my sore throat on the way down. And man, since when does water taste this good?

I gulp it down eagerly, only to have it suddenly pulled away.

"Whoa there."

Huh? Dude, what gives?

"Not so fast, bro."

I give Raph a confused and slightly betrayed look.

"He's right, Mikey." Don says. "You'll only make yourself sick if you drink it that quickly; you're body isn't used to it."

I'm not sure if I understand all of that, but Donnie usually knows what he's talking about.

"Just take small sips, Mikey." Leo smiles at me.

I nod slightly and Raph brings the glass back up to my mouth. I force myself to take small drinks, knowing that Raph will pull it away if he even thinks I'm going to start guzzling.

A second later the glass is empty.

I'm still panting softly when he sets the glass aside, and helps me lay back down. My eyes feel really heavy, and I'm surprised at how much all that coughing wore me out.

I notice Raphs intense gaze, still obvious concerned, and since my throat's no longer so dry, I decide to try and talk again.

"T-thanks."

Ugh, I can't believe that's my voice; It sounds like I have gravels in my throat- and it was so quiet and strained. It didn't even sound like me.

But My brothers don't seem to mind; they smile at me like it's the greatest thing they've ever heard- and to them it probably is.

"No problem, bro."

I smile slightly, having to strain to keep my eyes open. Why am I so tired? I've been asleep for days.

"Michelangelo."

I look to my right, wincing as the slight twinge of pain in my shoulder. I notice that it's heavily bandaged, and so I don't have to guess how I lost so much blood.

My tired eyes then travel up to sensei's- he's smiling at me gently.

"It is good to have you back, My son."

I can only manage another small smile- talking will only make me feel more drained.

"But I believe it is time for you to rest."

My eyes open all the way. Rest?!

"Rest?" Raph says, clearly as unhappy as I am. "He's been restin' for days, sensei."

"Wait a second, Raph…" leo begins, annoyed with Raph's tone of voice, but trying to sound reasonable.

"Master splinters right." Donnie puts in, before either of the other two can't start arguing. "It's not uncommon for people recovering from comas to be tired. His body needs time to adjust and heal."

Raph frowns. "I still don't like it."

Dido. I mean, what if I can't wake up? I don't think I can go through that again. I just,..I just can't.

"The danger has passed, my sons."

I look over at sensei again, uncertain.

"There is no reason for you to fear." he says to them, before looking down at me with kind eyes. "You will be fine, My son."

The panic that had started to rise in me goes away- How can sensei do that? It has to be some kind of special ninja training- like the whole jedi-mind trick thing on Star Wars. 'Michelangelo…you are not afraid. You will sleep soundly.'

I almost want to laugh as I picture sensei saying this in my mind.

Man,…I must really be tired.

But if sensei says I'll be fine, then I'll be fine.

I look back at my brothers; Don smiles at me, so does Leo, but Raph has his arms crossed and is glancing away. He's obviously not convinced that I'll be alright.

Better fix that.

"R-raph?"

Geesh, I sound even more pathetic than before, but Raph is definitely looking at me now- his arms uncross and he's giving me a very uncertain look- trying to hide how helpless he feels.

"Yeah, Mikey?" he asks, hesitating for a moment before taking my hand like Leo had before.

"Don't worry…bro." I smile weakly up at him. "I'll…be..okay."

It takes a moment, but he smirks slightly.

"Yeah, you better be, bro." he says, as if to threaten me, but there's no force behind his tone.

I give his hand a gentle squeeze, knowing that my words have zapped me of the last of my strength.

"Just take it easy, Mikey." Don says, "You need your rest."

I look at all my brothers faces again, noticing the weariness in their eyes even through their masks.

I swallow. "You too."

They looked confused for a second and then they each give me a small smile- Raph rolls his eyes as if he thinks my concern is ridiculous.

"Michelangelo is right." Sensei says. "I believe we could all do with some rest."

Ha. With Sensei backing me up, how can they not listen?

"But sensei.."

"Everything else can wait." he says, letting everyone know that the issue was closed.

"Yes, Sensei.." Don and Leo reluctantly agree.

I can't keep my eyes open any longer, but I continue listening, hearing hesitant footsteps leave the room.

"Raphael?"

Raph didn't leave?

"No disrespect, Master Splinter, but I'd rather stay here."

His hand squeezes mine, but I'm just too tired to return the gesture.

Sensei sighs. "Raphael, you need rest just as much as your brothers."

"I'll rest, Sensei, I swear." He says, sounding almost pleading. "Just in here."

There's a pause, then another sigh from Master Splinter.

"Very well, My son." he says, probably realizing how pointless the argument was against Raph. "Perhaps it would best if someone stayed with your brother."

I have a feeling that Sensei letting him stay has more to do with what's best for Raph than Myself, but I wouldn't be against a little company.

I faintly hear Raph thanking Master Splinter, but I'm no longer able to follow the conversation.

Maybe after I wake up I'll be able to convince Raph that I'm okay- and let them all know that I don't blame them for what happened. I hate that my brothers feel so guilty. I'll fix it...

But right now...

...I yawn...

I'm just…so….tired.

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**Does anyone know where I'm going with this?**

**This isn't the end, but I'm not sure if I should keep posting chapters on this or start a whole new story with Mikey's recovery, questions about his mystery attack-memory recovery- and all that.**

**What should I do?**

**Also, I'm going out of state in a few days and will be gone for five days, so I won't be able to update anything for a while- I spent most of my free time today finishing this chapter up so I wouldn't leave my reader in suspense.**

**Anyway, Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**HELLO! ^_^ I'm back!**

**Most reviewers said that I should just keep adding to the story instead of starting a new one, so that's what I'm doing. I thought about changing the title but 1) I couldn't think of what else to call it and 2) I didn't want to confuse anyone. **

**To let you all know, this chapter is going to be very different from the others because I'm no longer writing it in Mikey's P.O.V. **

**It would have been too difficult now that he's awake, and I didn't want to limit myself to just his thoughts and feelings.**

**This change in writing style was another reason for me wanted to start a whole new story- but hopefully you guys don't mind.**

**Enjoy the read!**

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Waking up the second time was easier, more natural, but Mikey still couldn't help his relief when his eyes opened and he found himself staring at the infirmary's ceiling. His body still felt sore, and he wasn't sure if it was from being injured or having laid in bed for about a week without moving. Probably both.

He blinked a few times, in no hurry to try and move, fearful of what other pains he might discover; his shoulder was already throbbing, although his headache wasn't as intense.

A soft grunt caught his attention and Mikey slowly turned his head towards the source, unable to suppress a slight smile. Raph was slumped in the seat next to his bed, his arms crossed, he head dipped forward so that his chin touched his plastron; he let out another short grunt as he shifted, obviously uncomfortable.

Mikey wondered how long he'd been asleep this time, although he didn't think it was more than a few hours. He wasn't surprised to see his brother there after recalling Raph and Sensei's conversation; and as promised, Raph was resting. Mikey also noticed that a thin blanket had been placed over him- and his smile grew as he imagined his tough older brother tucking him in.

'The big softie'

However, as quickly as the smile had come to his face, it slowly disappeared. The warmth that had spread within him upon seeing his brother turned cold, remembering the reason for his brothers stay. Raph was worried; afraid to leave his side, afraid that he wouldn't wake up again. Raph blamed himself, so did Leo, and even Donnie. His brothers had worried themselves into exhaustion over his condition, and that knowledge burdened him greatly. Mikey suddenly felt as if he owed them an apology- he wondered if this was the way Leo felt, whenever he blamed himself for things beyond his control.

He heard the door to the infirmary open, and felt somewhat panicked, although he wasn't sure why. He was suddenly afraid to face his family. It was stupid, he knew, but he wasn't sure what to do- he needed a moment to think. So as he heard the foot steps approach, he closed his eyes, feeling even more guilty as he feigned sleep.

The footsteps stopped near the side of his bed, and it was difficult to remain still when he felt the cover being moved up to his chin. A hand was then placed on his cheek, much like Raph had done before only now he could feel it more clearly. He let out a breath and shifted his head, leaning more into the touch- hoping to at least reassure whoever it was that he was not still in a coma.

He heard a relieved sigh and then-

"Whatta you doin' up?"

The hand quickly jerked away, probably as startled as Mikey had been although he didn't show it.

"Sorry, Raph. Did I wake you?"

Leo's voice was easy to recognize.

"Who said I was sleepin'?" Raph asked, defensively.

"Right." Leo replied, not about to argue. "I couldn't rest anymore; I thought I'd check up on Mikey."

"How is he?"

"He's still sleeping."

The pause that followed was unsettling.

"He's just asleep, Raph." Leo said again, this time as if to reassure his brother. "He's going to be fine."

"Yeah, yeah," Raph grumbled. "Still wish he'd hurry and wake up already."

"It shouldn't be too long," Another voice joined in from father away- probably near the door. "But he'll probably sleep on and off for the next couple of days."

Mikey felt his stomach flip nervously as he heard Donnie's approaching foot steps.

"He's going to be alright though, right Donnie?"

"I think so, Leo." Don replied. "He seemed sore before, but that's pretty normal- we'll need to work on building his strength back up. I'm not sure about his shoulder, but there shouldn't be any permanent damage; I'll have to ask him when he wakes up."

"That ain't the only thing we gotta ask him," Raph says, that determined edge in his voice.

"Not now Raph." Leo says, his voice hushed but obviously exasperated. "The important thing is-"

"Can it, Leo." Raph retorts. "You're just as eager as I am to-"

Mikey groaned, unwilling to listen to his brothers argue again. Raph's sentence came to a halt.

"Mikey?" Leo asked softly. "You awake?"

Mikey sighed, turning his head toward his voice.

"Yeah." he whispered, hating how tired and rough his voice still sounded.

"Uh,..sorry 'bout that Mike." Raph apologized, sounding awkward but sincere- despite his previous desire to have his brother awake. "I didn't mean ta-"

"S'okay."

Mikey opened his eyes a crack, giving his three brothers a tired smile.

They smiled back, relieved and happy, and Mikey felt foolish for having been afraid before. These were his brothers. He had wanted nothing more than to be able to see and talk to them again, and yet he was just hiding like a coward. What was wrong with him?

"Do you need anything, Mikey?" Donnie asked, stepping forward a bit anxious. "Are you in any pain? Where does it hurt exactly?"

Mikey then realized that it was his own guilt that he was really afraid of. He felt his resolve strengthen then; he was not going to worry his brothers anymore if he could help it. No whining or complaining; no matter how much he wanted to.

"I'm okay, Donnie."

He had hoped this would reassure his brother, but Donnie frowned slightly; Leo and Raph also looked skeptical.

"You sure, bro?" he asked. "What about your shoulder?"

It ached terribly, but Mikey wouldn't admit it.

"It's fine, Don."

If anything this seemed to worry his brother even more.

"What do you mean by fine? Can you move it at all?" Don looked almost panicked. "Mikey, can you feel you're arm?"

Mikey wanted to smack himself at how poorly everything was turning out.

He went to shake his head, about to explain himself, but the motion caused his upper body to shift and sharp pain flared up in his right shoulder.

He tensed, letting out a hiss of pain.

"Mikey!"

""It's ..okay." he grunted, relaxing once more against the bed when the pain passed. "Just a little…sore."

"That's good." Don sighed, relieved that his brothers arm was not paralyzed. "Can you move your hand?"

Mikey tried- first just wiggling his fingers, then moving his wrist. It sent little twinges of pain up his arm, but it wasn't too bad.

"Yeah." he confirmed, having to clear his throat.

"I'll go get some water." Leo volunteered, Don nodded distractedly, and before Mikey could protest he was gone.

"How about making a fist?" Don asked him, still in doctor mode. "Just try closing your hand into a ball as much as you can without it hurting."

Mikey did as he was told, but found he could only get his fingers to curl forward and close half way before another sharp pain seemed to travel up his arm and stab his shoulder.

He barely managed to contain his cry of pain, gasping instead,

"Sorry…can't." he panted slightly.

"It's okay, Mikey." Don assured him. "Don't strain yourself."

"His arms gonna be okay, right Don?" Raph asked, unusually quiet until now.

"Yeah, It should be fine." Don smiled slightly. "I don't think it damaged the nerves too bad- it'll just need some time to heal; we'll have to be careful though."

Leo came back into the room, a glass of water in his hand.

Mikey felt just as relieved as he had the last time he'd been offered a glass. It couldn't have been but a few hours ago, but his throat was already dried up.

"Help me sit him up, Raph." Leo said, and Raph stepped forward without any hesitation, carefully pulling Mikey into a sitting position.

Donnie adjusted the bed, allowing Mikey to lean back on it and still stay upright.

Mikey sighed, ignoring the ache in his ribs from sitting up and the dizziness that was quickly fading, he reached a hand out for his glass. He was happy to find that it wasn't as hard to do as before, although his hand was still a bit shaky.

However, Just like Raph had before, his brother didn't seem to take the gesture seriously.

Leo shook his head. "Let me do this, Mikey. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Mikey frowned slightly at that. How much damage could he do by lifting up a glass of water? Still, if it made Leo feel better…

He sighed, resigned.

Leo brought the glass up to his lips, giving him a warning look.

"Remember- small sips, Mikey."

Mikey rolled his eyes good-naturedly as Leo tilted the glass up, and he once again savored the cool refreshing taste of water.

He took his time drinking it, and Leo was patient- allowing him time in between sips, and being extra careful not to spill.

When he finished, Mikey sighed in relief.

"Thanks, Leo." He managed to sound much more like himself this time, and it didn't leave him feeling so worn out.

"I didn't know water could taste so good." He added, just because he could.

Leo half smiled at him.

"Ain't nothin' special, bro." Raph rolled his eyes at him. "It's just water."

"It probably has something to do with the fact that he's practically dehydrated." Don stated, a smile suddenly lighting up his face. "Or Leo slipped him something."

The unexpected comment caused the 'fearless leader' to sputter a half shocked protest, and Raph barely bit back a laugh at his expense.

As Don grinned sheepishly at Leo, who was glaring but clearly not mad, and Raph moved his hand toward his mouth to hide his growing smirk, Mikey suddenly felt overwhelmed. He had missed them…had even thought that he'd never get to have times like this with them again. Yet here they were- all of them, happy.

He felt the irrational sting of tears behind his eyes and tried to fight them off, but as his vision blurred he knew he'd already lost the battle.

His breathing hitched as he tried to take in a few calming breaths.

Leo quickly looked back at him, his smile slipping away as he took in the sight of his baby brother crying.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" the alarm and concern in his voice was obvious, his expression almost anguished as he gripped Mikey's good shoulder.

"Bro, what's happenin' wit' ya?" Raph asked, his feelings of helplessness making him look almost angry with concern.

"Is it your shoulder?" Don asked, his worried gaze looking for anything that might be causing Mikey discomfort. "Do you want the bed back down?"

"Maybe we should give him some pain killers," Leo suggested.

"N-no, I'm okay," Mikey finally replied, although his voice shook with emotion.

_'so much for not worrying them,'_ Mikey thought as he shook his head. "I'm fine, guys."

Leo's hand came back to cup the side of his face, bringing his teary blue eyes up to meet a set of deep brown. Leo looked at him with all the concern of a big brother, and the steady calm of a leader.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" He kept his voice low, but firm, as he gently brushed away a few stray tears. "Why are you crying? If you're in pain then you need to let us know so we can help you."

"I'm not." He assured him, taking a steady breath. "Sorry, I just…"

He glanced down a bit embarrassed.

"Just what?" Don asked, anxious.

Mikey sighed shakily.

"Missed you guys is all." he murmured, not looking up at see their reactions.

It was quiet for a moment.

"We missed you too, Mikey." Leo replied softly, moving his hand back to give his brother's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "We missed you too."

_'I know, bro.'_

Mikey swallowed, and nodded.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice sounding strained again. "I'm so sorry."

The three turltes tensed, surprised and confused by their little brothers words. Raph clenched his hands into fists, more angry than anything else; it was his fault this happened- he should be the one apologizing.

"Don't be such a bonehead, Mikey!" he snapped. "You ain't got nothin' to be apologizin' for, bro. If anything I-"

he turned his head way, glaring off to the side, too upset to finish.

Leo sent his short-tempered brother a wary look as more tears slipped down Mikey's cheeks. The younger turtle muttered a few more soft apologies, trying to choke back his sobs. Leo felt his heart break in two at the sight- wondering what all his little brother had gone through.

"Michelangelo, listen to me." Leo said, firm but gentle. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Leo's right, Mikey." Don said, sounding calm, but more sad than anything else. "None of this was your fault."

Don stepped closer, laying a hand on his little brothers arm and stroking it gently- hoping to provide Mikey with some reassurance and comfort.

Leo continued to gently shush his younger brother, even after Mikey's tears had stopped.

Raph looked up, his anger battling his concern and desire to comfort his brother just like Leo and Don. He hated himself for not knowing how to help. The only thing he seemed capable of doing was causing harm- but once he found out who did this to his little brother, he'd put that skill to good use. He was going to set things right. For now though…

"You okay, Bro?" Raph asked, trying to sound gentle.

Mikey was no longer crying, but his eyes seemed permanently glue to his lap.

"Y..yeah." he replied, nodding weakly. "Just…tired, I guess."

The other three turtles looked on in concern.

Mikey sighed, feeling their gazes on him.

"Really, guys," he looked up, trying to reassure them "I'm okay." he smiled some, "Guess I''m just bein' a big baby is all."

Leo gently shook his head, although smiling somewhat, he opened his mouth to respond but-

"You ain't bein' a baby, Mikey." Raph stated, a bit gruffly. "Ya gotta right to be upset."

Leo blinked, surprised as Raph seemed to take the words right out of his mouth, but then he allowed himself a brief smile.

"Raph's right." Leo said, wondering if Raph could hear the gratitude in his voice, or was surprised that they were agreeing on something.

"Besides," Don chimed in. "It's not uncommon for those recovering from experiences like this to have mood swings. It might not be something you can control."

"Mood swings, huh?" Mikey asked, thoughtfully, before grinning up at them. "So like, it's just that time of the month for me then?"

Leo gently shook his head at the remark, Don rolled their eyes, Raph groaned.

"If you weren't already hurt, Mikey, I'd hit you in the head right now." Raph murmured.

Mikey chuckled as he leaned back into his bed, smiling and watching his brothers through half open eyes.

"You gettin' sleepy again, bro?" Raph asked, frowning slightly.

One minute it seemed Mikey was back to himself, and the next minute he was completely exhausted.

"Nah. Not sleepy." Mikey murmured. "Just a little tired."

"So I guess you're feelin' okay then, right?" Raph asked, just to make sure.

"Dude, I'm fine." Mikey said, knowing he'd say it a hundred more times before anyone really believed him.

Raph exchanged a look with his other two brothers, and Don nodded slightly.

"Mikey, do you.." Don hesitated, looking unsure of himself. "Do you think you'd be up to talking right now then?"

Mikey frowned, raising an eye ridge.

"I thought I was talking." he said, confused.

It should have been obvious by now that speaking was no longer so difficult for him. He wondered why Donnie had even asked.

"He means about what happened to you, Mikey." Leo stated, serious and calm as ever. "You've been out for almost a week now."

Mikey gave him a slightly confused look. They already knew what happened- he'd been in a coma, right? Why were they…

"Who did this to ya, Mikey?" Raph asked, hands clenching by his sides. "What happened after ya left that night?"

Mikey's eyes widened slightly. He hadn't given much thought to anything else except waking up and being with his family again, but of course they would want to know what happened. Maybe whoever did this was still out there.

Mikey looked down, frowning.

"It's okay." Don's voice was soothing. "Just take you're time, bro."

His family wanted answers, peace of mind, some kind of lead. They had probably thought that him waking up would be the key to solving the whole thing, but the truth was…he couldn't remember anything.

It was just a big blank.

Leo placed his hand on Mikey's shoulder again, noticing the troubled look on his younger brothers face.

"Whatever happened, you're safe now, Mikey." He assured him. "We're not going to let anything happen to you again."

"But we gotta know who did this to ya," Raph insisted.

"Or what they might have given you," Don added, concerned.

Mikey closed his eyes, head bowed.

"I..I can't."

Leo frowned, gently squeezing his little brothers shoulder.

"We understand if this is hard to talk about, Mikey." he said, calm. "If you need some time to-"

"No, Leo." Mikey replied, sounding completely defeated. "It's not that. You..you don't understand."

"Understand what?" Leo asked, as patient as ever, although he wanted desperately to help his little brother. "Help me understand, Mikey. Please."

Mikey swallowed hard, wondering if they would be upset with him. He didn't want to worry them anymore, but…

"I..I don't remember." he choked out. "I don't know what happened. I..I'm sorry."

And as much as Mikey hated himself for it, he couldn't stop his tears- or how ashamed he felt of himself. Part of him even realized that what he was feeling wasn't normal. Maybe Don was right about the mood swings after all.

"Whatta ya mean you can't remember?" Raph asked.

Mikey kept his head bowed, flinching even though his brothers tone was more disbelieving than hostile.

"Mikey, what _do_ you remember?" Don asked kindly, though worried.

Mikey shrugged, wincing as the action jarred his injured shoulder. He placed his good hand over the bandages and sighed.

"I remember leaving the lair; we were low on food and I suggested pizza." Mikey paused. "I don't remember if I made it there or not, guys. It's all blank after that. I..I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Leo stated firmly. "This wasn't you're fault."

"How come he can't remember though?" Raph asked, looking over at Don.

"He did injure his head," Don said thoughtfully, "But it could be any number of things. Maybe the event was so traumatic that his minds trying to protect itself."

"Uh, does that mean I'm gonna get my memory back?" Mikey asked, not sure if that was a good thing or not.

"I can't say for sure." Don answered. "It's possible though."

"So we ain't any closer to figurin' out what happened until then, huh?" Raph said, annoyed. "Figures."

Mikey looked away, gently rubbing at his sore shoulder. He knew Raph wasn't really mad at him, but he still felt bad about the whole thing.

"Is you're shoulder bothering you, Mikey?"

Mikey looked up into Leo's understanding gaze, noting that his brothers hand still rested on his good shoulder.

"No…it's fine." Mikey lied.

Raph let out a frustrated sigh.

"I gotta blow off some steam," he replied as he started towards the door. "Call if ya need anything."

Leo looked over at him sharply, taking a step away from his injured younger brother.

"Raph."

"Relax, fearless." Raph responded unhappily, turning to look at him. "I'm just headin' to the dojo- or is that not allowed either?"

Leo sighed. "Just try not to break anything."

Raph rolled his eyes as he walked away. "No promises, bro."

Leo shook his head as he left.

Don frowned as the infirmary door slammed shut before turning back to Mikey, who looked dejected and hurt.

"Raph isn't mad at you, Mikey." he assured his brother. "He's just-"

"It's okay, Donnie. I know." Mikey smiled sadly up at his brainy brother. "Just Raph being Raph, right?"

Don blinked, then returned the weak smile. "Right."

"At least he's not going topside." Leo stated, still staring at the closed door. "I'm surprised he hasn't gotten himself into trouble yet; especially since whoever did this to Mikey could still be out there."

Mikey shivered slightly at the thought, clutching his painfully aching shoulder again.

"You sure you don't want anything for that shoulder, Mikey?" Don asked, concerned.

"No Don, it's fine." Mikey forced another smile.

Leo tensed then sighed, turning back toward him.

"How about something to eat?" he asked, trying to sound cheerful. "You must be starving."

Mikey blinked. He hadn't thought about food at all- which was grossly out of character for him. He didn't even feel all that hungry, yet he hadn't ate anything in almost a week.

"Not really, bro." he said, looking confused even as he admitted this. "It's weird, but I don't think I'm hungry."

Leo looked as confused and surprised as Mikey felt.

"You may not feel hungry, but you're body still needs food," Don said. "Especially is you're going to get your strength back- but we'll have to stick to a liquid diet for now. I don't think you're stomach could handle solid food after this long."

Leo looked over at him. "So lots of soup then?"

Don smiled. "And water too."

"I think Sensei mentioned some kind of tea," Leo smiled slyly over at Mikey. "Like the kind he gave us when we we're little."

Mikey made a face.

"Ugh, gross city." he stuck out his tongue, remembering the far too bitter liquid that Sensei had once given them when they were ill. "that stuff is awful- haven't I been through enough?"

Don and Leo chuckled, relieved to have gotten a normal reaction from their normally lively brother.

"I think some soup would do for now though," Don stated. "I'll go make some."

"Oh no, not Don's cooking," Mikey exaggerated his panic as he looked at Leo. "Bro, you gotta put a stop to this."

"It's either him or me." leo told his little brother.

Mikey frowned- Don may not be the best cook, but having Leo in the kitchen was an accident waiting to happen.

He leaned back against the bed, pouting. "Okay, fine."

"It's from a can, Mikey." Don rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Even I can't mess that up."

"We'll see, bro. We'll see."

Don shook his head, unable to stop himself from smiling some.

Mikey relaxed even further into the bed as his brother left, closing his eyes with a smile of his own. All in all, He thought he'd done a pretty good job; if Raph was willing to leave his side to blow of some steam, and Donnie was rolling his eyes and offering to make soup. He had even gotten a laugh out of Leo.

He sighed, trying to ignore his still painful shoulder, and the desire to sleep. He wouldn't admit it to his brothers, but he was more than just a little tired; which was still rather disturbing to him.

_'Better not go back to sleep just yet though,'_ he thought.

He opened his eyes, almost startled to find Leo staring down at him.

The look on Leo's face was difficult to describe; a combination of all his brothers at once. His deep frown held the same helpless frustration that Raph's had, his brow furrowed in the same familiar way Don's did whenever he was trying to figure out some kind of puzzle, and his eyes gleamed with his usual determination.

"Um…hey, bro." he said, uncertain, but wanting to break the tension that had begun to build around them.

Leo sighed, confusion mixing with the determination in his eyes.

"Mikey, what's going on?"

* * *

**Yep, Leo knows something's up.**

**Sorry for ending the chapter like this, but if I didn't it would have dragged on too long and I really wanted it to be part of the next chapter. And since I'm the writer, I can do that. (winks)**

**I had fun with this, although nothing exciting happened it this chapter I love all the brotherly attention.**

**Please let me know what you thought? Are you okay with my change in writing style? Or do you wish I had stuck with Mikey's P.O.V?**

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**HI there. I know its been a while since my last update but everything seemed to be against me finishing this chapter. I found myself missing writing in Mikey's P.O.V. so theres a little more of that in here mixed in with the new style. It's like a battle or something- so I hope it doesn't confuse you too much.  
**

**What really set me back though was that I had finished most of this chapter but then my computer froze and I ended up loosing everything. If this has ever happened to you then you know how Discouraging it is. I couldn't remember exactly how I had written it the first time and I was just really bummed out about it. I know, I know, Boo hoo..get over it, right? Well i did my best.**

**Still...I'm not very satisfied with this chapter- since nothing exciting takes place- it's mostly just brotherly stuff.**

**But if that hasn't discouraged you from reading then just go ahead. **

* * *

Mikey's P.O.V

"Mikey, what's going on?"

At first I'm so caught off guard by the question that all I can do is stare up at him in surprise and confusion. For some reason I feel like I've been caught with my hand in the cookie jar or something- especially with the way Leo's looking at me.

Obviously he must have realized it too, because his expression softens and he sighs, placing his hand on my shoulder. How many time's has he done that just today? Not that I mind the touching or anything- in fact, I feel like I could seriously go for a hug right now. I know that's probably a bad idea though; if it hurts just from moving my head too fast, then what would it feel like to try and get my arms around my brothers shell? Or even to have his arms around me? Ouch.

I guess that's the reason Leo's only been touching my good arm. He's trying to be careful with me; because he's worried about me.

He's Leo- of course he's worried, he's always worried. Why does this bother me so much?

"Mikey?"

I blink- I so did not just drift off into my own thoughts just now…um…did I?

"Um, sorry, bro," I smile some. "Sorta spaced out there."

Leo's looking at me with that steady, almost penetrating gaze of his. Does he realize how freaky that is? He's seriously making me nervous.

"I can tell something's bothering you, Mikey."

Shell. He knows something's up. How does Leo always know? It's not even fair. Still, I'm not about to admit to anything- no way. How could I?

"Dude, I'm fine." I smile, sounding totally casual.

Okay, maybe it's not as convincing as I'd hoped, because Leo is frowning now.

"I think I know you well enough to know when something's not right." he stated in a no-nonsense kind of tone, raising an eye ridge. "You're not a very good lair, Mikey."

I inwardly flinched. I should have known that I couldn't pull this off. Maybe Leo or Raph could, even Donnie, but me? I know I'm usually one to complain, but I thought that would only make me more convincing when I said I was alright. Of course it was the opposite; they were all probably suspicious of me. Shell. Why couldn't Leo just let it slide; just this one time?

Stupid question.

It's because he's Leo; he never just lets things slide, especially if he thinks something wrong. I mean, I know it's only because he cares, but it can be seriously annoying sometimes.

"Is there something you're not telling us, Mikey?" He asks, still looking at me expectantly, like he already knows the answers yes and is just waiting for me to confess.

But what am I suppose to say- _'Actually, bro, there is. I can't believe I forgot, but do you remember when you were talking to my motionless body earlier? Well, guess what? I totally heard you. Yep. Every word. Ya know, about what a failure you are as a big brother and a leader.'._

Yeah, that would go over well. I mean, I know he was talking to me at the time, but it definitely feels like a violation of privacy and- and honestly….I don't want him to know. I don't want any of them to know. It's bad enough that I know what I put them through.

"…Mikey?"

Aw man, I did it again. I've been staring down at the blanket covering my legs this whole time, completely avoiding his question.

As I look back up at him, I can tell he's been thinking hard about something. You can tell by the way his eyes look, like he's trying to come to a decision. It's really weird, I wonder what-

"Mikey."

I blink. Leo's looking at me with that determined glint in his eyes.

"Are you sure you don't remember anything after leaving the lair?" he asks, straightforward and serious. "Or before waking up here?"

What the? Is that what this is about? Does Leo really think I'd keep something like that from them?

"Anything at all, Mikey?" He presses, in the same serious tone. "It could be important."

He does. He really thinks I'm lying about my memory being gone- that I'd put my family at risk for...for what?

I mean, Leo should know me better than that. I wouldn't…I'd never.

"Leo, Bro, what's with the interrogation?" I try and sound insulted, but my tone is more hurtful than anything else.

Shell, I'm so messed up here.

Leo seems briefly startled by my question, or maybe my tone, like I've just brought him back to reality or something. He instantly goes from determined leader to concerned big brother, his expression guilty and apologetic. I'm starting to think that I preferred him as the determined leader, because his sudden change in expression brings back my own feelings of guilt.

Oh man, I hope he doesn't apologize. I don't think I can stand to hear another apology from him. My head hurts again too. Great.

"I'm not trying to give you the third degree here, Mikey." Leo says, obviously regretful. "It's just that.."

He looks up at me, as if struggling to put words together- which is really weird. Leo's always been really good with speeches and stuff, lectures mostly, but still. I'm the one who can't seem to put sentences together.

"Just what?" I ask, as if that alone would help him.

But oddly enough it does.

"Something just seems off." he says, looking to the side in thought. "Something about the way you're acting, or rather the way you're not acting."

Okay…that makes perfect sense. Not.

"Uh…care to enlighten me here, bro?"

He sighs.

"When you woke up the first time..." he pauses, looking up at me again. "You didn't seem confused, or panicked. I know that master Splinter contacted you, but he couldn't have had enough time to explain everything we know about you're condition. You didn't even ask us what happened though- you weren't concerned about that at all. It never occurred to me that you may not remember the attack."

I'm staring at the blanket again, going over Leos words- and of course they make sense. If I hadn't been able to hear my brothers talking, then I would have woken up in the infirmary with my arm all banged up, a splitting headache, and no memory. To put it simply, I would have freaked- immediately asking the others what had happened to me. But I hadn't. I had acted as if everything was fine- and maybe that hadn't been too suspicious at first but…aw man. Even after I admitted that I didn't remember, I still hadn't bothered to ask them what happened. I didn't want to- it was hard enough listening to Raph's story the first time. Why would I want any more details than that? But they didn't know that. Shell.

"I can tell you're holding back, Mikey," Leo says, confusion and sadness in his voice. "I'm not sure what exactly, or even why, but I want to help. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

I sigh, feeling torn, and briefly closing my eyes against the faint sting of tears. I am so not going to cry. No way. Not again.

But I can't deny that part of me wants to do just that, to let Leo know how horrible I feel about what I put them all through, and to let him comfort me like he always does. I know that Leo wouldn't blame me, he always knows just what to say- But I can't. Because Leo has a bad habit of taken all those feeling on himself, and how could I do that? How selfish would that be? To put all my guilt on Leo- I couldn't.

But I didn't wanna lie to him either.

I sigh, bringing my good hand up to rub my forehead.

"I don't remember anything about what happened to me, Leo." I close my eyes, trying to ignore the thick quality of my voice. "I swear I'd never put you guys in danger by keeping something like that to myself."

Theres a silence, and I'm almost too afraid to look up- to see his reaction.

"I know you wouldn't do that, Mikey," He says, his voice soft but sure. "I didn't mean for it to sound that way."

I'm relieved and also a little ashamed at myself-of course Leo didn't mean it like that. Why am I letting my feelings over this get in the way of common sense? He's just being Leo- trying to get all the facts, trying to look out for us all.

I smile inwardly at my own foolish thoughts, even as the pressure continues to build in my head.

"But there is something you're keeping from us, isn't there?" He asks carefully, although with no accusation.

I wince, and not just because of his prying question. My head is seriously pounding!

"Like how much pain you're in now?" He ventures.

I tense up for a moment before quickly pulling my hand away from my head. The sudden movement sends a slight twinge of pain up my injured arm, but I ignore it as I look up at Leo, frowning slightly.

"What now?"

Leo sighs at my response, but the gentle look on his face is full of repressed concern; The kind that's only obvious to those who really know him.

"I know you're shoulder must be bothering you, Mikey. You flinch every time you move."

I look down again- I haven't flinched every time….have I?

"You've got a headache too." Leo continues. "And you looked dizzy when Raph and I lifted you up earlier."

Dude, the whole 'noticing-every-detail thing' is getting really old.

And if Leo thinks I'm going to break just because he knows I'm lying, then he's in for a surprise. I can be just as stubborn as him when I want to be.

"I'm fine, Leo."

---------------------------------------

Leo watched his brother carefully, wondering why Mikey was acting like this. Why was he hiding how hurt he was? Why would he lie about something like that? He just didn't understand; that wasn't like Mikey at all.

_'What's going on in that head of your's, bro?'_

"Mikey.."

But before he could say anything more, Don reenter the room- a bowl of warm soup in his hands..

He paused as he took in the sight of his two brothers; Mikey's bowed head, and Leo's troubled expression.

"Is something wrong?"

Mikey looked up, startled, and gritting his teeth as pain once again shot through his shoulder. He hoped that no one noticed, but Don's concerned gaze told him otherwise.

"Everything fine." Leo replied, and Mikey shot him a surprised but grateful look.

He was sure that Leo was going to voice his suspicions to the others, but he didn't. The again, Leo had waited until they left before saying anything, hadn't he? Maybe he wasn't going to push the issue after all. Mikey sure hoped not.

Still, Donnie didn't look too convinced.

"Well…alright then." he said, uncertain, but not willing to argue as he made his way to Mikey's bedside.

He smiled down at his brother, suddenly looking very pleased with himself.

"You'll be happy to know that the kitchen is still intake." He stated, good naturedly. "And the soup also survived."

Mikey smiled some. "Guess miracles really do happen."

Don frowned at the once again rough quality to Mikey voice.

"You thirsty again, bro?" he asked, shaking his head at himself. "I can't believe I forgot to get-"

"I'll bring another glass." Leo interrupted. "And a pitcher too."

Don smiled over at him. "That would be a good idea."

Leo nodded and then looked back at Mikey, smiling slightly to let his brother know that he wasn't upset with him. Mikey looked both grateful and relieved, but didn't fully relax until Leo was fully out of the room and he no longer felt like he was being watched.

"Okay, Mikey." Don said. "Time to eat."

Mikey nodded, although he didn't feel hungry- his stomach was churning at the very smell of the food. Still he reached out- thinking that he would have to set the bowl in his lap and eat with his left hand.

Don, however, had a different idea.

"I'm going to have to feed you, Mikey." he said. "You won't be able to do this on your own- and I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself trying."

Mikey frowned. Having his brothers give him something to drink wasn't so bad, but being spoon fed soup like he was a baby was just ridiculous. Did they think he was completely useless?

Don sighed, noticing his brothers disapproval and fixing him with a somewhat stern look.

"Don't argue with me, Mikey."

Noticing the concern beneath his brothers exasperated gaze, Mikey sighed.

He knew if it were Raph or Leo, they would probably throw a fit. Heck, he remembered a time when it was Raph and Leo. They had really given Donnie a hard time about it. He remembered Donnie telling him that he wasn't sure who was more stubborn, or more difficult to deal with. He surely didn't want to put his brother through the unnecessary stress of an uncooperative patient again.

Don smiled some when Mikey nodded, resigning himself to the task of being fed.

"Good." he took a spoon full of soup and lifted it up to Mikey's mouth.

His little brother gave him an expectant look, and Don pulled the spoon back confused.

"What?"

"That's it?" Mikey asked, a look of disapproval on his face. "You're just going to hold it up to my mouth?"

Don continued to look at him in confusion.

"No 'open wide'? No pretending to be an airplane? No choo-choo train noises?" Mikey continued, tsking. "That's poor bedside manner, dude."

Don rolled his eyes, smiling in fond exasperation at his brother.

"Will that make you feel better?" He asked, raising an eye ridge.

Mikey grinned, not really expecting his brother to agree, but hoping to at least stall. "Couldn't hurt, bro."

Donnie stared at him for a moment as if considering, then his mouth twitched up into a slight smile.

"Alright then, bro" he said, surprising Mikey as he lifted the spoon up again, grinning.

"Open wide for the tomato soup express." He announced, in what Mikey assumed to be a conducters voice. "Next stop: Your stomach. Choo choo."

Mikey chuckled at how ridiculous his brainy brother sounded, feeling some how lighter than he had since he woke up. As smart as Donnie was, and as serious as he could be at times, it always made Mikey grin to see him acting even a little silly- and Donnie could be surprisingly good at it too. What Mikey liked even more though, was that it was usually him that brought that quality out in his brother.

So although still reluctant to eat, Mikey opened up his mouth and accepted the bite without complaint.

It took him a moment to swallow; his stomach protesting even before the warm liquid made it down his throat, leaving behind an unpleasant after taste.

_'Ugh...not good.'_

"It taste funny." Mikey stated, wary of taking another bite.

Don looked worried for a moment but quickly covered it up.

"It's just where you haven't eaten in so long." he replied, with forced casualness. "and it came from a can too, so don't blame me for the taste. Now open wide."

Mikey frowned as he took another bite, his stomach churned again, and he grimaced as he swallowed. He was so not hungry right now, not at all. At least his headache was starting to go away again though.

On his fourth agonizing bite, Leo reentered the room. He filled a glass up and silently gave it to Donnie, who lifted it up for Mikey to drink from. The water was a welcome change from the soup, but he was slightly annoyed at the thought that all his brother had now given him water in such a degrading manner.

After the drink he leaned back into the raised bed, feeling really tired- more so than before. His body was even feeling a little heavy.

"Okay, Mikey," His brother said, lifting up another spoon full of soup.

Mikey frowned, he was going to be sick if he ate any more.

"Do you want me to pretend it's an airplane this time?" Donnie asked, half joking.

Mikey nearly groaned before replying, "I'm full"

Don frowned. "Mikey, you haven't even eaten half yet."

"Not hungry." he replied, sounding just as exhausted as he felt.

"Just a few more bites, Mikey." Don tried again. "You really need to get you're strength up."

Mikey sighed, his brother sounded so insistent. "Yeah..okay."

Don smiled slightly and gave his brother another spoon full

Mikey closed his eyes and forced himself to swallow quickly, not wanting the taste to linger in his mouth any longer than necessary. Shell, he was so tired, his mind felt fuzzy, and his body felt strangely warm. It wasn't painful or anything though, it just felt funny. In fact, his shoulder didn't even hurt as much.

"Mikey?"

He heard Don's voice again, but he couldn't get his eyes to open. They were too heavy.

"..tired."

His voice was a mere whisper and soon he drifted off to sleep.

Leo blinked, surprised as well as concerned as Mikey seemed to suddenly lose consciousness.

He looked toward Donnie, who had placed the bowl of soup on the stand nearby.

"Is he okay?"

"I.." Don paused, then nodded once without turning to face him. "Yeah, he's okay."

Leo frowned.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "He just kind of…drifted off there. I mean, I knew he was tired but-"

"It was probably just the medicine." Don replied, his voice quiet…his shoulders tense.

Leo blinked. "Medicine?"

"Yeah." Donnie sighed, although still not relaxing. "I put some in the soup- to help with the pain."

Donnie frowned, bracing himself for his brothers disapproving words. He knew what he did had been a bit underhanded, and of course he had felt immensely guilty when Mikey had commented about the taste earlier, but he still felt like he had done the right thing. Leo though, would think it had been dishonorable wouldn't he? After all, had he not just drugged his little brother?

Donnie took in a breath, hoping to defend himself before Leo could make him feel any worse than he already did.

"Listen, Leo. I know it wasn't right for me to..to got behind his back like that, but…I mean, he really seemed like he was hurting and so…I just thought..I mean-"

"Donnie." Leo placed his hand on his brothers tense shoulder. "It's okay."

His purple banded brother turned toward him, disbelief clear on his face.

"What?"

Leo sighed.

"I'm glad you did." He admitted, much to his brothers surprise. "He was is more pain than he was letting on."

Don frowned slightly, sadly. "You noticed too, huh?"

"Yeah." Leo nodded, looking away.

"But why?" Don asked, confused. "Why wouldn't he tell us?"

"I don't know," leo replied, doing well in masking his confusion and frustration on the matter. "Maybe he just needs some time."

"Yeah..maybe." Donnie sighed before grinning weakly. "I mean- it's Mikey, right? By this time tomorrow he'll probably be milking this thing for all it's worth."

Leo gave his brother a thin smile, no more convinced than Don was himself of his words.

"Right." he replied, glancing back at Mikey's sleeping face.

'He still looks too pale.' he couldn't help but think.

"For now though, he just needs more rest." Donnie replied as he carefully readjusted Mikeys bed so he could lay down, pulling the blanket up to his chest.

Leo's smile softened as he watched Donnie turn his head toward his shoulder in an attempt to stifle his own yawn.

"And he's not the only one." Leo said, placing his hand on his brothers shoulder and turning him toward the door. "You need rest too."

"What..?" Don blinked, as his brother started leading him away from the bed. "Wait a second, Leo! I'm not-"

"You're not going to loose another days sleep, thats what." Leo replied, giving his brother a stern yet gentle look as they both stopped near the door. "Have you slept any at all since he woke up?"

Don frowned. "Look who's talking."

Leo sighed. "Which is exactly why I'm going to bed too."

Don looked surprised, but then frowned again in thought. "But shouldn't one of us stay with him? I mean-"

"I'm sure once Raph is finished beating the sand out of the punching bag, he'll be right back in here."

Don looked slightly annoyed now.

"And how come you're not ordering him to bed?"

Leo raised an eye ridge at his brother, Dons irritation was a testimony to how sleep deprived he was. He was never so easily upset, and hardly ever did he ask such obvious questions.

"Because I think he's the only one of us who's gotten any sleep since then." he replied. "And that's only because he stayed in here."

Dons expression softened and he sighed, glancing back at Mikey.

"He'll be fine Donnie." Leo assured him, placing his hand on his brothers shoulder. "You said yourself that he just needs to rest now. You've already given him something for the pain, so he can sleep peacefully."

Donnie looked up at him, eyes tired but still uncertain.

"And you can too, bro." Leo told him, smiling gently. "You deserve it."

Although Donnie didn't believe so, he knew Leo had a point. Mikey would be asleep for quite some time, and so he was of little help to his brother now. Plus, he needed to be well rested for when Mikey _did_ need him.

_'And I am pretty tired.'_

Donnie sighed. "Okay."

Leo smiled as he lead them both out of the room, glancing over his shoulder just once more at Mikey's still form.

_'whatever's going on with you, Mikey,'_ he thought. _'I'll be right there when you need me.'_

Not long after, Raph entered the room. He stared at Mikey for some time before pulling a chair close to his makeshift bed._  
_

-------------------

**-Mikey's dream-**

**_'Gotta keep running'_  
I repeat this phrase over and over again, my heart racing, my feet pushing hard against the ground beneath me as I race from roof top to roof top. I feel like I've been running forever but I know that isn't true, despite my exhaustion and the burning in my legs.**

**  
_'Keep running.'_**

**  
I don't look back- I've seen enough horror movies to know that isn't a good thing. Whenever the hero looks back it's usually only to face his doom. So thanks but no thanks, I'll stick with fleeing like a coward.**

**  
_'I've just gotta lead them away from the lair. Then once I lose them I'll go back.'_**

**  
It sounds so simple, so easy. I can do this. Amongst all my brothers I'm easily the fastest, and the best at evasion- just ask Raph.  
I grunt as I leap to the next building, but when I land my legs seems to give out on me and I fall to one knee. I'm panting, trying desperately to catch my breathe. I shouldn't be this tired. I look up, feeling dizzy and almost sick.**

**  
_'What's wrong with-'_**

**My eyes widen in realization and my hand goes up to my neck. I can still feel the sting from where I was hit. What the shell did that do to me? I shake my head, grunting again as I push myself back on my feet, swaying. I don't have time for this.**

**If it had been a normal person, or even some foot soldiers, then I would have lost them by now. But that…that thing. It had been so fast.**

**  
Against my better instinct I look back, my panic rising as I see a dark shrouded figure only a few buildings away and fast approaching. I was sure I had gotten in a few good hits on our first encounter, but that clearly hadn't slowed it down any.**

**  
"Dude…you gotta be kidding me." I whisper, nearly breathless, but my panic is enough to send me back into a run.**

**  
I don't think I can keep this up though. I need help.  
My hand goes to my belt, pulling out my shell cell.**

**  
_'Shoulda called the guys sooner!_'**

**  
My mind feels clouded, and so I don't even register which button I pushed- only that I'm calling one of my brothers. I put the phone to me ear, still running.**

**  
_'Can't stop….gotta keep running…'_**

**  
It rings once…**

**  
_'Come on, bro..'_**

**  
..twice…**

**  
_'Please pick up!..'_**

**...thre-AGH! NO!**

Mikey sat up, eyes wide, gasping.**  
**

**

* * *

**

**

* * *

**

** Okay, I know this is an awful way to end the chapter, and the dream itself seems really out of place here. I just really wanted it to be in this chapter because I think it's the only remotely interesting thing I wrote- and the rest of the chapter was blah.**

**I'm very disappointed in myself with this, and I wouldn't blame you if you stopped reading now. Just don't be too harsh in the reviews- I'm my own worst critic anyway.**

**BTW- in the dream, Mikey first says 'them' and then a bit later says 'that thing' or 'it'. This wasn't a mistake. Hopefully you guys caught that- whatever's following Mikey isn't alone. Buahahahah-*Cough*--okay.**

**I'll try and make the next chapter more interesting, but right now I'm really unhappy with this story and so an update might take a while. I do believe, however, that the next chapter will be better.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I feel like I should change the genre to Hurt/Comfort, espicially with this chapter. **

**Sorry for the wait. Updates will probably be slower from here on out. **

**Enjoy the read!**

* * *

Mikey's P.O.V.

I'm gasping for breath, eyes tightly closed, ignoring the sharp pain in my shoulder and the ache in my ribs as I try to move- to get away. It's closing in on me! I've gotta…I have to-

There's a sudden pressure on my shoulder and I panic, jerking away- it's trying to pin me down!

"N-No! No!"

I gasp, my eyes still closed, both in fear and in pain as I struggle to get away. My hearts beating too fast, my head is killing me, and I can't seem to remember where I am.

"Lemme go! Lemme go!"

I can't hear anything except my own heart beat, my frantic breathing, and a strange rushing sound in ears- but suddenly it's like the bubble around me pops and my senses are snapped back into place-

"-key! Mikey, calm down!"

My eyes fly open and dart around the room, not really taking anything in, before settling on the figure beside me. I freeze as I find myself staring into familiar amber eyes, framed by a red mask.

"R-Raph?"

I almost believe for a moment that my mind's playing tricks on me, that there's no way my brother can be here, that I'm alone still, running for my life and yet-

"Yeah, Mikey, it's me." he says, sounding relieved, but using the same rough tone that was just so..so Raph.

I look around the room in almost a daze, confirming that I'm not on some rooftop alone and scared, but in the infirmary…safe and…and with Raph.

I let out a shaky breath as I close my eyes, my heart no longer racing, although my head continues to pound. Shell, it hurts worse than my arm, which is really saying a lot considering how much I moved it around just then.

But I'm safe now. I'm home and I'm safe. Nothings after me.

And Raph's here. He's right here with me.

"Geesh, bro. Take it easy."

His hand touches my shoulder again, but this time I don't pull away or panic- only shake my head 'no' when he tries to ease me back onto the bed. I don't think I can relax just yet- and Raph doesn't try and force the issue, he only gives my shoulder a gently squeeze before pulling back.

Shell, my head hurts so bad right now, I could almost cry.

I open my eyes to see my brother's concerned yet troubled gaze. I probably freaked him out just now- I'm still a little freaked out myself.

"S-sorry." I mutter.

Raph rolls his eyes, concern turning into annoyance.

"Stop apologizin' already."

"Sorry."

The word leaves my mouth without thought, but I can't help but smile slightly at Raph's sharp annoyed look.

The smile is halfhearted at best though, and it falls away quickly. I look away, hoping my brother wont notice.

"Hey…you okay?"

And of course he does. His voice has gotten all serious like.

And I honestly don't know how to answer him. Should I tell him what I dreamed? Heck, who am I kidding? That wasn't just some dream…it was too real.

I can…I can still feel the rush of cool air as I fall,…I can still see the shell cell sliding far out of my reach,….I can still feel the sickening dread in my stomach as a menacing shadow falls over my prone form.

"Okay, Mikey- what's got you so worked up?"

"Huh?"

I look up- and Raphs eyes glance down at my lap -where my hand is now clenching the covers- and then back up to my face. I hadn't even noticed- I guess my hand has a mind of it's own or somethin' heh. Raph's got that troubled look on his face- that mixture of anger and concern and helplessness…which eventually turns into more anger.

I sigh, letting my hand smooth out over the covers, trying to think of something to say.

Dude, I'm so not ready for this.

What am I supposed to tell him? If I say that I remembered something he'll probably start pressing me for details and I'm not sure if I can handle that. I mean, if Raph thought I was this upset over it then he'd be careful about how he asked but…but he'd still want to know. He'd want to know who was to blame for all this. And what could I say? I still don't know who or what was chasing me- I never actually saw it.

Why get Raph worked up over nothing? Just because I'm…

I shake my head.

"Just…just a bad dream." I say, not looking up at him.

"No kiddin'" he says, sarcastically. "I kinda figured that out on my own, bro- what with ya thrashin around like ya were. I'm surprised ya didn't wake up Leo and Don."

I wince, then swallow hard, trying to ignore the pain in my head.

"What…what time is it?"

Raph sighs, "About four in the mornin'."

I hadn't really been aware of the time before, so I can't be sure how long I've been asleep. Still, it seems strange to me. It doesn't feel like four in the morning.

"Did I wake you up?" I asked, already feeling guilty.

"I was usin' yer arm like a pillow," he snorted, rolling his eyes again. "Of course ya woke me up."

Okay, that definitely throws me off. I mean…it's not really hard to picture Raph resting his head on my arm, but I can't believe he just admitted to it like that. To Raph that was a sign of weakness, something to be ridiculed for, and I'm usually the first one to…Oh.

I realize then that Raph's looking at me almost expectantly. Is he…trying to set me up for a…joke? At his expense?

I don't get it….why would he..?

I start to ask, but pain suddenly shoots through my skull, like someone stabbing the side of my head with an icicle. I suck in a quick breath and close me eyes tight against the pain, but it only last a few seconds before it returns to it's previous throbbing. What the..?

"Mikey, you alright?"

Man, I really stink at the whole 'not worrying your brother' thing.

"Yeah…I'm okay." I reply, sighing. "Just a stupid headache."

I know Raph will probably call me on that, but before he can say anything, another voice answers.

"There seems to be much on your mind, my son."

My head snaps up at the same time Raph turns his.

Sensei's calm gaze meets mine as he approaches and my voice seems to be stuck in my throat. Luckily, Raph speaks for me.

"Everything's fine, sensei. You didn't hafta get up or nothin'" Raph says, his tone respectful, but the light frown on his face gives him away. "You should be restin'."

Master Splinter smiles softly as he looks at him.

"I appreciate you're concern, Raphael." he replies, coming to stand on the other side of my bed. "But I assure you that I am well rested- more so than I have been in days."

I look down, feeling almost sick with guilt.

"I…I didn't mean to wake you up, sensei." I reply, closing my eyes.

"Michelangelo."

I recognize the tone and so look up, but sensei's eyes are just full of care and understanding.

"I was already awake, my son," he assures me. "But I sensed your distress and wished to make sure you were well."

"I..I'm fine now." I say, being more truthful than before. "Just a bad dream and…and a really bad headache."

Sensei nods slightly before looking up at Raph.

"Raphael." he says. "I had just finished preparing some tea, would you be so kind as to retrieve a cup for your brother and myself."

"Sure thing, Sensei."

"Uh..that's okay Sensei." I quickly reply, hoping to avoid it. "Really, I'm not-"

Master splinter gives me a look and I know that arguing is pointless.

"I mean, tea? Sounds great! I'd love some." I smile sheepishly, Master Splinter seems satisfied, and Raph just smirks as he leaves the room.

Jerk. He should have to drink it too.

I sigh. My head still hurts.

"Michelangelo." Sensei's hand lands over my own, and although he's touching my injured arm, his touch is so feathery light that it doesn't hurt at all. "My son, something troubles you."

I shrug my good shoulder, but my eyes stay glued to his hand over mine.

"I guess I'm just a little sore."

"You're body will heal itself in time, my son," He tells me, "But I worry still that you're spirit seems broken, or perhaps just fragile in it's current state."

I look up, confused, but sensei's like, all-knowing and stuff, so there's not much point in arguing.

"I take it that you have not told you're brothers of your experience."

I don't have to question him there- I know exactly what he's talking about.

"I..uh…well," I try to look away but cant. "Not exactly."

I'm worried for a moment that he'll be disappointed in me for not confiding in them, but he doesn't look like he is, he doesn't even look surprised.

"You think I should?" I ask before he can say anything more.

I couldn't help but ask, just to be sure. Sensei's usually right about these kinds of things.

"If you do not wish to speak to your brothers on this matter, then that is ultimately you're Decision." he says, his hand gently squeezing my own. "But I sense that these events weigh heavily upon your mind, my son."

"I just don't want them to worry about me," I look down. "They've worried enough."

"Michelangelo," Master Splinter says softly. "We are family, and as such, it is our right to worry for one another. Would you be any less concerned if this had happened to one of your brothers?"

I look up, surprised.

"Well, uh, no." I reply, and Sensei smiles gently at my bewildered tone. "I mean, I get that they're worried about me and all but I'm okay now, right? I mean, I'm awake and…I'm okay."

"You're behavior speaks differently of you, my son."

"Huh? But that's not..I didn't.." I try to find the words to defend myself. "I haven't complained or anything though."

"No, you have not." he agreed.

Wait…he agreed?

Okay, now I'm really confused.

"In fact," he says, "I believe your lack of complaint- or rather honesty- regarding your condition has been cause for great concern."

I frown at this, but think over his words.

"You mean….me trying not to make them worry is…making them worry even more?"

Man, I really, really stink at the 'not worrying my brothers' thing.

"Great." I sigh, then look at Master Splinter again. "What should I-"

I stop as soon as I hear my brother reenter the room, carrying two small cups of tea. He glances at Sensei for a moment before staring back at me; looking like he's trying to see through me. Geesh, did he borrow that look from Leo or what?

"Ah, Raphael." Master Splinter says, drawing Raphs attention away from me. "Thank you, my son."

"No problem, sensei," he replies, coming to the right side of the bed. "Wasn't sure which of the cups ya wanted so-"

"This will do quite fine." Master Splinter assures him, grabbing both cups before turning toward me slightly.

"This is a special blend, my son" he tells me, "It is good for the nerves, and should help greatly with you're headache."

I'm somewhat surprised when Sensei holds the cup out for me, and I cant help but smile in genuine gratitude.

"Thanks Sensei." I reply, grabbing the cup with my good hand and resisting the urge to give Raph a smug look.

Yep, that's right; I can hold my own cup, bro. HA!

My moment of triumph is cut short as I remember how much I dislike this stuff- my heart drops even further into my stomach at Master Splinters next words.

"Make sure that your brother finishes his tea, Raphael." Sensei says. "And see to it that you both get some rest. It is still too early to be up and about."

I give sensei a desperate, near pleading look.'You can't leave me alone with Raph! You haven't even told me what I should do! Sensei!'

He smiles, not blind to my look but obviously immune.

"Sleep well, my sons."

"Night, sensei," Raph replies and I sigh, echoing his words.

I guess this is Sensei's way of saying it's up to me to make my own choices, huh? Perfect- 'cause we all know how great I am at that.

As he leaves the room I just stare down into my cup- is there actual pieces of leaves in that? Gross.

Okay…just one sip at a time. On second thought, maybe I should just chug the whole thing…get it over with quick. Or maybe wait till Raph's not looking and throw it over my shoulder. Man, where's a conveniently placed potted plant when ya need one?

"Come on, Mikey, you heard Masta' Splinter," Raph says, in that mocking tone that lets you know he's enjoying himself. "Drink up, bro. Or do ya need me to help ya with that."

"Ha Ha. Aren't you funny." I mutter, bringing the tea up to my mouth.

I sniff it first and stick out my tongue. Yuck.

Okay, Okay, here it goes.

One..two…three…GO!

I down the drink quickly and-

"Ugh, yuck, gross!" I stick my tongue out again and make a gagging noise. "Geesh, does sensei have any taste buds at all?"

I shudder, but after hearing Raphs low chuckle I scowl up at him. He holds his hands out, as if to surrender.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, bro. It coulda been worse," he says, smiling slightly. "I coulda used the big cups."

I look up at my brother in genuine surprise and confusion., and then glance down at the cup again. Relatively small really….and I had managed to finish it all in two quick gulps. Huh.

"Um..thanks, bro," I say, looking up at him strangely. "That was suspiciously considerate of you."

"Yeah, whatever." he replies, shrugging. "Just don't go telling' the others or they might think I've gone soft or somethin'."

"You, Raph? Go soft?" I scoff. "As if."

I smile at our light banter and feel myself relax. What was I so worried about before? Raph isn't going to start interrogating me or something. He hasn't even asked about-

"So, what was up with that dream earlier?"

Shell, spoke too soon. I duck my head and stare into my empty cup.

"Oh..um..it was nothing." I shrug my good shoulder. "It was stupid really."

"Didn't sound that way to me," Raph replied, his voice all serious. "not with the way you were actin'. Ya probably tore some of yer stitches with all that movin' around."

"No, no, it's fine." I say. I have stitches? Hm.

"You sure? 'cause it looked like-"

"It doesn't even hurt, really."

Raph sighs, annoyed.

"Listen, Mikey, I'm just worried ya-"

"Well don't be." I reply, sounding somewhat annoyed myself. "Nothing's wrong."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" Raph suddenly snaps. "I'm tired of you actin' like everythings fine when ya know good and well it ain't."

I flinch at his sudden change in tone- and his words.

"You're not foolin' anyone, bro," He says, "And you're seriously gettin' on my last nerve."

I'm not really so surprised that Raphs lost his patience- I mean, he's Raph- and the whole nice-guy thing was a little too good to be true. I still can't help feeling like I should crawl into my shell or something though.

And he's right. I'm not fooling anyone.

But…but what should I do? Tell him that my arms killing me so he can freak out and wake up Don? If I do tell him that, then he'll want to know why I lied before. Then what….? I'd have to tell him everything!

My hand tightens around my empty cup.

I..I just don't know.

I hear Raph sigh, but he sounded less frustrated and more…tired perhaps?

"Listen, Mikey," he says, his voice much softer than before. "You don't hafta tell me what's botherin' ya, okay?"

I..don't? I resist the urge to look up at him- it could be a trick or something. You never know with Raph.

"I just don't like bein' lied to, alright?" he says, his voice a little harder but tinged with....hurt?

I flinch and bow my head even lower. I don't want to lie to Raph, but I don't think I can tell him the truth either.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, feeling a pang in my chest at the only words I can think to say.

This time Raphs sigh is frustrated, I can almost hear him gritting his teeth.

"There ya go apologizing' again," he says, exasperated. "What the heck are you sorry about anyway?"

My grip tightens around the small glass cup, so much so that my hand looks like it's shaking…or maybe all of me is. It feels like theres a lump in my throat, so tight that I cant even speak- heck, I can hardly even swallow. I know Raph isn't just going to walk away though, as badly as I wish he would. I don't know what to do.

"So, what? Now you ain't even gonna look at me?" he demands.

My vision blurs slightly as I continue to stare down into the cup, and I don't need the stinging sensation in my eyes to let me know that I'm about to cry. The tightness in my chest and the lump in my throat had already clued me in that I was about to loose it.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

Shell, I thought sensei said that tea was good for nerves. Why do I feel like I'm about to fall apart then?

Keep it together here, Mikey. Focus.

I swallow.

Stay calm…whatever you do don't-

CREESH!

The cup in my hand breaks under the strain of my grip- Beside me Raph jerks in surprise and then cusses under his breath.

"Geez Mike, what-" he pauses, his voice going from alarm to quiet concern. "…Mikey?"

I hardly even hear him- I'm too busy staring down at what remains of my cup. The glass had been thick to begin with so It's not like it shattered into a million pieces- I didn't even cut myself. I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Raph places his hand on my shoulder-and it's only then that I realize that I'm shaking. "You alright, bro?"

And just like the cup I suddenly break- a sob escapes me and tears begin to slip down my face.

"Uh..hey now," Raph says, sounding a bit panicked. "We got plenty a'those cups, Mike. No sense cryin' about it, right?"

I know Raph's trying to make light of the situation- which is usually my thing- but I can't help myself.

"Listen, Mikey," He says, his voice uncertain. "I didn't mean to…I just…," Raph sighs, "Come on, bro- You know I ain't any good at this kinda stuff."

I try to stifle my sobs, swallowing, and it does help a little- at least I'm quieter. I know I'm still trembling though and tears are still sliding down my face.

Raph sighs again, and his hand squeezes my shoulder.

"Mikey…" He hesitates, but only for a second before his hand moves from my shoulder to the back of my shell.

His other arm goes around my neck- careful of my injured shoulder- and he pulls me forward until my forehead is resting against his plastron.

I didn't realize how badly I needed this…. Everyone's been so careful not to hurt me that….this is the first…and Raph of all people….He's….hugging me?

Tears are still sliding down my face and I want so badly to reach and hug him back, but I know what a bad idea that would be- so instead I lean more into his chest as if to hide.

"R-Raph?"

His grip tightens slightly and his head dips down until it rests against the top of mine. there are no softly spoken words of reassurance or comfort, but Raph has never been one for words- his actions have always done the talking for him, and this time is no different. He doesn't have to say it; I already understand, 'It's going to be okay….I'm here for you, bro.'.

And I try to believe him- to convince myself. I shouldn't be feeling like…like I'm all alone. I'm not. The worst is behind me now- it really is.

I've got my family.

And I've got my tough older brother here, going way past his comfort zone just to make me feel better. Or maybe he needed this too?

Duh, of course he does.

He wants to help me…he just doesn't know how. And I'm not exactly making it easy for him. And I need him- all of them- I really do. I need to….to..

"Raph?" I whisper thickly. "I..my dream…it.."

"Ya don't gotta tell me, Mike."

"I..I know." I say, swallowing. "I wanna tell you."

I feel him lift his head off of mine- probably to stare down at me. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

At least…I think I'm sure.

"Okay then…," he says, as if he heard my thoughts rather than my words, "Whenever yer ready."

Wow…he's really being careful about this. He hasn't even pulled away yet- even though I know it would probably make hearing me a lot easier- I think he might be afraid I'll start crying again. I don't mind though, I'm worried I'd loose whatever courage I just found if I had to pull away and look up at him.

I take in a small breathe.

"I was running…being chased." I started, feeling that same sense of dread creep upon me as I spoke. "I didn't wanna lead whatever it was back to the lair…I thought…I thought I could outrun it. I thought I was fast enough- thought I could do it on my own."

I stop for a moment, taking small gasps for breath- Raph's grip tightens slightly again, and when he speak his voice is quiet, almost solemn.

"This ain't just a dream, is it?"

I shake my head and feel Raph's chest move as he takes a breathe- to calm himself?

"So,... what happened?"

I swallow.

"I started feelin' really tired…dizzy...kinda sick," I reply. "I think I got hit with something earlier…my neck. I knew I wouldn't be able to get away like that…it…it was getting closer-"

"What was?" he asks with quiet intensity. "You keep sayin 'it'- what the heck did this to you?"

"I didn't…I didn't see it. It was dark and…I just wanted to get away." I swallow, trying to move along more quickly. "But I don't think it was human and…and I had a feeling it wasn't alone. There was someone else too but…but not there."

Raph doesn't question me about that and I'm really grateful since I wasn't sure how to explain it. I take a few moments to catch my breath- which probably would be easier if my face wasn't burried into Raphs plastron right now.

He doesn't rush me- which is surprising considering he isn't the most patient turtle around. I take another breathe before continuing.

"I was afraid…I tried…I tried to call you guys," I feel Raph tense. "But I…I think I fell…Raph…it was…it was right behind me!"

A few more tears slide down my face as I start to shake again. Shell, I..I didn't realize how freaked out about this I was until I started talking about. It's like all those feelings came rushing back at me.

"I w-woke up b-before it…" I gulp, fear gripping my heart. "It..it got me. Raph, it got me!"

One of Raph's hands tighten on the back of my shell and the other moves to the back of my head- holding me against him as I cry. If this really was just a bad dream then Raph would probably be making fun of me right now for being such a baby, but instead..

"S'okay, Mikey," he whispers. "It's ova now, bro. Yer alright."

After what feels like forever, I finally seem to catch my breath- noticing with some relief that my headache is finally gone. I guess that tea really did do the trick.

I don't say anything, even though I'm no longer freaking out- I'm pretty content where I'm at right now and I'll stay here for however long Raph will let me.

Raph's pretty comfy actually.

A slight smile comes to my face as I think of telling him that, but…I think I'll let this one slide. Usually comments like that get me a smack on the back of the head or a none to gentle push.\

"Mikey?"

Raph's voice is kinda quiet, a little uncertain too….maybe he thinks I'm asleep?

"Yeah," I reply, and I guess I do sound a little tired. "Still here, Bro."

Maybe that was a poor choice of words.

Raph sighs.

"Listen, Mikey I.." another sigh. "I'm sorry, okay?"

I tense, closing my eyes tight.

"It's my fault ya-"

"Don't."

"Huh?"

I sigh and pull back from his grip- a bit surprised by his reluctance to let me go.

I look up at him- with what I hope is a fierce and serious expression. I'm not exactly good at those, and I probably just end up looking annoyed but hey- that works too.

"Don't apologize."

Raph shakes his head.

"You don't get it, bro- it was me who ya called and I-"

"I don't care!" I half yell, half cry, ignoring the painful ache in my ribs from raising my voice- I didn't care. "I fell..I dropped the phone..it was my stupid fault!"

Raph says something- no doubt protesting- but I shake my head refusing to listen.

"I shoulda called sooner!" I replied, my voice strained, somewhat anguished. "It's not your fault, or Leo's, or Don's. so just…just stop it! Stop blaming yourself!"

Breathing is starting to get harder again, and my face feels hot despite the wetness of tears once again trailing down my face. How many times am I going to break down in tears…what the shell is wrong with me? I can't help but feel ashamed of how I'm acting and yet at the same time I can't stop.

"P-please," I choke down a sob. "J-just stop..I can't…I just can't-"

I practically throw myself against him, crying into his chest and trying to remember how to breath right again.

"Okay, alright already, it ain't my fault," Raph says, although he sounds like he's saying it just to calm me down.

I shake my head but don't pull away. Raph sighs.

"Listen, Mikey," One of his arms goes around me again, holding me to him. "I can't promise ya that I won't still feel bad about what happened to ya- but I ain't gonna keep blamin' myself, alright?"

I feel more reassured by my brother honest tone, and although I'm still panting slightly, I'm not longer hyperventilating.

"But you gotta do something' for me first, okay?"

I blink, trying to make my throat work, to ask what he means. Do what? He doesn't wait for it though.

"You gotta stop blamin yerself too."

I take in a quick surprised breathe. I didn't realize I was…I mean, I knew I was upset. I knew I felt guilty about making them worry, and I knew I hated that they blamed themselves for what happened, but it hadn't really occurred to me that I blamed myself.

I did though….didn't I?

I was angry at myself for not….for not what? Not being strong enough….smart enough?

"It wasn't yer fault either," Raph assures me, his voice firm. "It was whatever did this to ya, understand?"

I lean my head heavily onto his plastron and sigh, relieved.

"Yeah."

"Good."

The hand that had been resting oin my shell moved up to massage the back of my neck. I hadn't realized how tense I felt until then. If the whole ninja thing doesn't work out for Raph in the future, he could have a great career as a masseuse. Heh,…yeah.

I almost don't realize that I'm leaning more heavily on Raph- it's really relaxing. Guess all that crying and stuff took a lot out of me…hmm…I wonder if there wasn't something in the tea. Oh well.

I sigh, knowing that I wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer.

"Hey…Raph?" I ask, my voice so tired.

"Yeah, Mikey?"

I smile slightly although I know he can't see it.

"Thanks." I whisper. "You're better at this stuff than you think."

He says something…at least I think he does…but I'm already too far gone. I close my eyes and surrender myself to sleep.

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**So Mikey has a break down...there will be more on that in the next chapter....as well as another flashback (at least, I think so ).**

**I hope you dont think I'm being too cruel with Mikey in this....I just can't help but put him through all of this emotionl and physical stress because he's my favorite. okay, that sounded warped but....yeah. I like having everyone concerned for mikey and stuff.**

**And I enjoyed making Raph the one that Mikey opened up to.**

**Please review!**


	10. Another view

**This is sort of a...consolation chapter (focuses mainly on Leo)- I simply had to get this out of my head!**

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Leo wasn't surprised that he didn't sleep for very long- his mind troubled with thoughts of his youngest brother and the mystery shrouding his current situation. Too many questions and too many concerns; it was impossible to sleep for any great length of time.

So here he was awake again, sitting on the edge of his bed and staring very intently at nothing while he worked through the many questions plaguing his mind.

Who had done this? What had they to gain from it? Had they wanted anything at all, or was this simply an act of violence?

Maybe Mikey had provoked it…jumped into a situation without thinking? But that seemed more like something Raph would do. And who or what could have caused such damage to his younger brother- Mikey was a goof off sometimes, but still a trained ninja.

Was whoever responsible for this still out there? Would they be targeted again?

Leo sighed.

He realized that until his brother regained his memory, all these questions would remain unanswered- and as badly as he wanted to find who had done this, to make sure it never happened to Mikey or any of his brothers again, he knew how pointless it would be now. After all, how can you find something if you don't even know what you're looking for- how can you fight the enemy if you don't know who the enemy is?

Of course that hadn't stopped Raph from going topside for answers when this whole thing had first happened- much to Leo's annoyance. In fact, Raph and Leo had argued greatly over the matter after the first couple of days following the mystery attack. And when Mikey had not awakened after two days .…when he had stopped shifting in his sleep or making small sounds of discomfort in the back of his throat…when he became silent and still…

Leo's hands gave a nervous twitch at such thoughts, and he released a shaky breath.

When Sensei had been unable to contact Mikey…Leo knew something was terribly wrong. Donnie had soon after discovered the twin puncture wounds on Mikey's neck.

Even with the blood tests that Don performed there was no way to tell what he'd been given, or if that was even the cause for Mikey's unresponsiveness. A coma. His little brother was in a coma.

And from the desperate look on Donatello's face as he researched, ran tests, compared blood samples- and the troubled and aged look on Master splinter's face after another failed attempt at reaching their brother- Leo knew how bad the situation was. Don couldn't give them an answer as to how long this would last or if there was a way to treat Mikey…and Leo _knew_….he knew exactly why his brainy brother answered such question with short clipped responses such as, 'I'm working on it.'

Because Donatello _didn't_ know. He _wasn't_ sure if there was a way to help him. He _didn't_ have an answer as to how long Mikey would be like this, because it would have been too hard to admit that he may never return to them at all.

For Leo it was as if he'd been sucker punched in the gut- and after the initial shock, he could only think about what more he could have done to prevent such a thing from happening. How had he let this happen? What kind of leader was he?…what kind of brother?

Mikey was alive, he was stable, and Leo took what comfort he could from that. Still, the idea that Mikey might never recovery…never awaken…it was like someone saying the sun had stopped shining; the world seemed colder, darker- not unlivable, but somehow unbearable.

For Raph, however, the realization had hit even harder. Master Splinter had once told Leo that Raphael was such a passionate person, that he felt things so strongly and without restraint, that it was difficult for him to control himself- and often such emotions were expressed negatively by his red banded brother, because he knew no other way _to_ express himself. It was no surprise to Leo then that Raph was even more determined to discover who was responsible for their brothers condition- refusing to stop until he found them and made them pay.

Despite what his hotheaded brother may have thought, Leo really did understand where he was coming from. He wanted answers too, he wanted justice. He wanted to make sure this never happened again. Ever.

Leo, however, knew how pointless it had been at the time- how dangerous it was to be out searching when they had nothing to look for. And he felt as if he needed to stay, to be with his family- to try and be strong for them, with whatever strength he had left.

Leo hardly had any energy left over to argue with his brother- and he might not have said anything at all to Raph about leaving if not for the nagging fear that he too would be attacked. He couldn't bare the idea of another one of his brothers being taken from him like that. Still, those arguments were short and pointless- and he was only grateful that Raph brought along his shell cell and at least answered whenever he tried to call him (even if it was nearly every hour, and even if Raph's only response was an annoyed, 'I'm fine.').

Leo shook his head slightly, wondering why he was thinking these thoughts. Mikey was awake now….he had his little brother back- even if he didn't have the answers to his questions.

In fact, all he had now were different questions…different concerns. Something was wrong with Mikey, he could tell, as much as his younger brother tried to hide it. It was confusing and troubling for Leo to witness. His brother had seemed fine a first, only to suddenly start crying- apologizing for things that were in no way his fault- only to calm back down a second later. He would flinch sometimes in discomfort, but would not admit to being in pain, and then there were the sudden looks of anxiety, or how he would shy away from their questions and concerns. It wasn't like Mikey at all- his brother usually loved being fussed over, and although he would sometimes downplay how much pain he was in (sometimes by actually complaining) he was usually very honest about what injuries hurt the most, and never turned down anything that might help.

Leo honestly couldn't understand what was wrong. He had even been doubtful about Mikey's loss of memory at first- although now he was certain his brother did not recall what happened. Something was obviously bothering Mikey though, and it had hurt more than he let on when his younger brother had all but refused to talk to him.

He wondered if deep down Mikey was angry with him- after all.....he should have been there.

Suddenly Leo was torn from his musings, tensing. He couldn't quite place the feeling that had just come over him but he was instantly on his feet. Had he just heard something downstairs? Doing his best to push back the sudden panic he felt, he made his way out of his room and headed toward the den. Once he entered the living room, however, his plans changed.

"Leonardo."

Leo jerked slightly in surprise, looking over to find Master splinter sitting on the sofa cradling a cup of warm tea in his hands. His sensei had not even opened his eyes to address him, and Leo was slightly embarrassed at having been caught so off guard- he had not even noticed his Masters presence when he entered the room and had walked right past him.

"Master Splinter," He cleared his throat. "Um…what are you doing up so early? You should be resting."

Sensei allowed himself a small smile at his eldest son's words.

"If I were to get as much rest as my sons believe I need- I fear I would be conscious very little." He replied, opening his eyes to look up at him. "Is there a reason perhaps that you, yourself are not asleep?"

"I thought I heard something," Leo admitted, looking toward the infirmary door which was open and admitting a small light. "I wanted to check in on Mikey, just in case."

"Ah, yes, Michelangelo," Sensei spoke a bit quietly. "I have just recently visited with your brother myself."

"He's awake? Already?" Leo asked, frowning in concern. "Is anything wrong?"

"He tells me he was awoken by a nightmare, and has a very bad headache." Sensei informed him. "I have given him some calming tea and left him in the company of Raphael- who did well in calming your brother from his earlier distress upon awakening."

Leo frowned, his little brother had been upset and he hadn't been there for him. Again.

"I..I didn't know," he murmured, staring at the floor in shame. "I mean I should have,…I haven't slept very much, I should've-."

"Leonardo. There is no reason to feel guilt over this matter." sensei told him, not willing to listen to such talk. He nodded to the seat on the other side of the table across from him. "Please have a seat; join me."

Leo looked at the offered seat and then back to the infirmary door.

"Michelangelo will be fine, my son," he assured him. "I believe it will do him well to speak with your brother Raphael. Please sit."

Leo let out a slight sigh, knowing his sensei's words were more than just a request. He hoped that Mikey was okay, but Sensei at least seemed to believe that him being alone with Raph was important. Maybe he would be able to get Mikey to open up?

"Hai, Sensei," Leo replied walking over and taking the offered seat.

It was then he noticed that a cup had already been set out in front of him, and the pot of tea sat in the middle-still warm.

He smiled wryly, looking up at his father.

"Expecting me, sensei?" he asked, slightly amused.

"For some time now, my son," He replied, his words laced with truth but slight humor as well. "In fact, you are quite late. I suspect you spent much time in your room contemplating the events of the last few days."

Leo ducked his head sheepishly, although smiling slightly at how well his father knew him. He poured himself some tea and gave his father a polite nod.

"Thank you, Sensei."

His father nodded taking a sip from his cup before setting it down on the table in front of him. Leo then noticed, with some curiosity and confusion, that something else was sitting out on the table. A shell cell?

"Master Splinter, what..," he paused as he heard someone enter the room from the kitchen. "Donnie?"

Leo stared at his brainy brother, who had taken a few steps into the room but froze upon seeing him. In his hands he carried a steaming mug, one larger in size than sensei's tea cups, and Leo didn't need to guess what was in it. He raised an eye ridge at his brother, who offered up a shy almost guilty smile, and a slight shrug of his shoulders.

Leo could have rolled his eyes in exasperation, but settled for a slight shake of his head; unable to keep a small smile from gracing his lips.

"Ah, Donatello," Sensei said, allowing the two brothers a moment before acknowledging his second youngest sons presence. "Please sit back down."

Donnie nodded taking a seat beside his master on the couch.

Once seated he stared down into his mug before glancing up at his older brother.

"So," he said, making an effort to sound casual, "Couldn't sleep, huh?"

If it had been anyone but Donatello, Leo was sure they would have sounded smug.

"Not for lack of trying," he admitted with a small sigh. "How long have you been up?"

"Not long- I started tinkering with the shell cells when I heard Raph yell from down here, and it sounded like something broke," He glanced over at sensei, uncertain.

"And just as I have said before, Donatello, your brother is fine." Master splinter replied, sipping his tea. "You both may check in on him in awhile, but for now I think it is Raphael whom is most likely to get your brother to open up."

"I hope you're right." Leo muttered, taking a small drink of tea before placing it back on the table.

He looked up, noticing that Donatello had not even set his mug down, and was holding it protectively with both hands. Leo couldn't help but smile slightly, wondering if his brother wasn't being a bit paranoid. He knew exactly what his brother was drinking, and he knew it wasn't tea.

"You can set your cup down, Don," he replied, "I'm not going to take your coffee away this time."

Don glanced up, smiling sheepishly.

"Heh…yeah, well better safe than-"

A yell from the infirmary abruptly cut Don's sentence short- he jerked in surprise and very nearly spilled his coffee. _Mikey!_ Leo had instantly got to his feet- with every intent of going to check on his brother.

"Leonardo."

Sensei's voice was louder than normal, an unspoken command in his tone. He met Leo's concerned and determined gaze, with a firm look of his own.

Donatello looked uncertainly from his father to his brother, having wanted to jump up himself to check on mikey- but master splinters hand had gently caught his arm( a silent message that he was to stay seated).

"Leonardo, please sit down." he told him. "Allow your brother Raphael to handle this. Have faith in him."

Leo looked as if he would argue, but reluctantly took his seat back, looking down and anxiously clenching his hands into fists.

He trusted his fathers judgment, but it was killing him to sit still and do nothing- he had never envied his brother Raphael more than he did in that moment.

He looked up as he heard his brother sit down his mug and could tell that Donatello was also not pleased with sitting on the sideline, and was looking about for something to distract himself with- fiddling with the shell cell on the table, rotating his mug but not taking another drink. Another distant yell sounded from the infirmary, making leo jump again as desperation settled into his heart- Donetello winced and bowed his head as if to bare it, and sensei closed his eyes to calm himself. Leo couldn't stand it.

"I can't sit here." He announced standing back up.

Sensei sighed. "Leonardo."

"I'm sorry master splinter," he replied meeting his fathers gaze, but not backing down. "I have to go check on him."

Without waiting for a reply he turned and headed for the infirmary. Donatello looked as if he wanted nothing more than to follow, and turned his pleading gaze toward his father.

Master Splinter closed his eyes, removing his hand from Donatello's arm, and with a sigh he gave a nod of consent.

Donatello replied with a quick but grateful 'Thank you, Sensei' and hurriedly followed after his blue banded brother.

Leo had quickly made his way across the room, his stride purposeful -full of pent up anxiety and concern for his brother-, but as he took the first few steps into the infirmary he faltered- coming to an abrupt stop at the sight before him.

Raph was half seated on the edge of the bed, his back mostly turned toward him, but not enough to hide the person in his arms; despite how much it seemed as if Mikey was trying to burry himself into his brother plastron. Raph had one arm wrapped around his brothers shell, and his other hand was placed on Mikey's head, holding him against him.

Leo barely even notice Donatello come to stop beside him, but when he did he glanced over. Don's face was at fist stunned, but it softened soon after with several different emotions. Leo thought he recognized one as guilt, and he certainly felt more than a bit ashamed of himself - as if he had just intruded on a very important and clearly private moment between his two other brothers. But mostly he felt guilty for charging in there as if he were coming to Mikey's rescue.

He felt so foolish now.

Raph cared about Mikey just as much as anyone- he should have had more faith in his brother than that. But he had wanted to check on Mikey _so_ badly.

Leo shook his head slightly at himself, thinking of how he should have trusted his father…and his brother. Still, he couldn't bring himself to walk away from the scene before him. He felt rooted to the ground.

He tensed up a second later when he heard Raphael's whispered apology- and he certainly wasn't expecting his youngest brothers reaction to such words. He had even thought that Mikey had gone to sleep, but something about what Raph had said obviously triggered something within their brother.

He pulled away, giving his unannounced audience a clear view of his determined- if not somewhat pleading- glare. He point blank refused to hear Raph apologize and when the older of the two insisted….

"I don't care!"

Leo and Don both jolted at the sheer magnitude of his voice, and the desperation in his words.

"I fell..I dropped the phone..it was my stupid fault!"

Raph instantly protested, insisting that it was in no way his fault, but Leo doubted that Mikey even heard him. His youngest brother was franticly shaking his head.

"I should have called sooner!"

His voice was strained now, painful to hear. He sounded on the verge of tears.

"It's not your fault, or Leo's, or Don's. so just…just stop it! Stop blaming yourself!"

Leo's eyes widened and he glanced at Don again, noticing a similar look of surprise and then…understanding.

Tears were falling down Mikey's face now as he cried and struggled for a breath. His body shook with each gasp for air and his face looked flushed.

"P-please," He sobbed, a sound the broke his brother hearts. "J-just stop..I can't…I just can't-"

And in the next second he had flung himself into Raphs arms, crying still- his breathing panicky and uneven.

Don, seeing that Mikey was beginning to hyperventilate, felt a sudden jolt of panic himself. He took a step forward as if to intervene on his brother behalf but Leo caught his arm.

Don looked up at his oldest brother with concern and a sense of urgency. Mikey needed him. But Leo's gaze was serious, and he shook his head- Don understood all at once what he meant to convey just by looking him in the eyes.

'Let Raph handle it.'

Don nodded and stood back with Leo, his brothers grip on his arm was soon gone, and Leo's hand instead went to lay on his brothers shoulder. Supporting him silently.

Raph didn't disappoint- he seemed to understood what Mikey's problem was, even if Mikey hadn't realized it himself. The two brothers listened to Raphs words as he promised not to put the blame on himself, and then asked his brother to do the same.

"It wasn't yer fault either," They heard Raph say, his voice sure. "It was whatever did this to ya, understand?"

Leo frowned slightly in confusion- noticing his brother said 'whatever' instead of 'whoever'. Did he know something they didn't? Had Mikey…remembered? A glance toward Donatello told him that his brother had also noticed the oddity of what Raph had said.

Mikey's reply was too quiet for them to hear but Raphs response told them all they needed to know. Leo and Don both felt immense relief seeing that Mikey had calmed down, leaning heavily against his older brother as Raph massaged the back of his neck. A few moments later Mikey whispered something else to Raph that neither of the two could make out, but Raph gently shook his head.

"Might have at get a second opinion on that, bro." he replied, turning his head to the side as if directing his words at someone other than michelangelo.

Leo and Don both stiffened slightly, wondering how long their brother had noticed their presence- but Raph didn't comment further, and simply turned his attention back to the brother in his arms.

Leo thought it was odd that his brother didn't seem all that upset with them, and he couldn't help but feel as if he had missed something important.

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**I had intended to start the chapter with Raph laying Mikey back to sleep and then Leo and Don announcing their prescence from behind- but it kind of irked me to just have then suddenly 'appear'. Then I got all caught up in Leo's frame of mind (which is wierd- I never thought I'd be able to write for him but it seemed effortless)---anyway, I had to do this or else I'd never be able to get on with the story. **

**I do apologize however- I know it seems as if I'm delaying things (although, I kind of am, heh). I've been so scatter brained lately (my entire life, that is)- I'll try to pull things together.**

**Please review- but try not to be harsh.**


	11. Chapter 11

**As of right now...I have temporarily given up on this story. This chapter had been written for a long time but not been posted. Why? Because nothing happens in it...my story isn't progressing and its frustrating. I'm thinking of going back and changing it so that Mikey was captured, and actually gone for several days before found, because that would be more traumatic. **

**If so I might be able to finish this some time.**

**For now, I give you this...which is full of worrying older brothers.**

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It was several moments before Raph felt his youngest brothers breathing even out and he went limp against him. He gave a silent sigh of relief, glad that Mikey had finally gone back to sleep.

"Is he..?"

Raph closed his eyes for a moment and nodded.

"Yeah...he's out."

He looked over his shoulder at his two other brothers, who had stopped half way into the room, matching looks of worry and sadness on their faces. Leo had the decency to look somewhat guilty as well, but Raph couldn't find it in him to care.

He was sure that they had both heard Mikey yelling, and he wasn't surprised when he heard their hurried footsteps enter the room. He couldn't blame them for coming to check up on their little brother- He doubted he would have been able to stop himself, if the situation was reversed.

Mikey though, ….he hadn't even noticed them come in.

Raph sighed, carefully pulling his brother away from him and lowering him onto the bed.

He could still see traces of tears on his brother's slightly pale face, making him look vulnerable even in sleep...and even though his face seemed calm.

Raph closed his eyes; His heart ached at his little brothers pain, and his anger burned at whoever or whatever had caused it. They would pay- he'd make sure of it.

A hand on his shoulder caused him to look up. Leo gave him a reassuring nod, his previous guilt masked, and seeming to understand where he was coming from.

"You did good, Raph."

His red banded brother scoffed at that.

"Yeah, 'cause we all know how great I am at makin' people feel better."

"You got him to open up, didn't you," Leo said. "That's more than I could do."

Raph shook his head, looking off to the side; the pain of seeing his brother in such distress still fresh in his mind.

"It ain't enough. You guys didn't see him before..it just.." " His frown deepened and his fists clenched. "Damn it, Leo!" Raph cursed, his voice still low but filled with anger- anger that wasn't directed at Leo himself. "He's really messed up, bro- you seen yerself; he couldn't stop shakin' and he weren't breathin' right."

He shook his head again, not wanting to think about it anymore. Leo's hand was still on his shoulder, a reassuring weight that for once he didn't really care to shake off.

"Raph…?" Leo frowned, he knew how rare it was for Raph to accept comfort from others, so despite how much he wished to question his brother on what had occurred, he held his tongue.

"Did he…did he do this?"

Leo looked up at the sound of his brothers voice, as did Raph. Don was on the other side of the bed, his gaze directed downward as he picked up a few broken pieces of glass- which were laying over the covers in Mikey's lap.

Surprised, Leo could only stare as Raph answered.

"Yeah." he sighed. "He got upset earlier and…" he gestured with his hand to the mess.

Donnie nodded slightly, almost numbly, as he picked up the broken pieces and set them aside.

"I aint ever seen Mikey like that before," Raph said to himself, "It just wasn't right."

Leo nodded, serious and thoughtful.

"Something's definitely wrong with him- and I think it might be something more than just guilt." he looked up at his brainy brother. "Don..?"

"Huh?" His brother started, shaking his head as if clearing away unwanted thoughts.

Leo frowned slightly at this, but Don simply carried on.

"I don't know, guys. I wasn't lying earlier when I mentioned mood swings," Donnie shrugged, looking lost and troubled. "Whatever happened really affected him- possibly on a subconscious level, even if he can't remember."

Raph rubbed his face with his hands, frustrated and tired.

"I'm not sure if him rememberin' what happened is such a good thing anymore." he admitted.

Leo looked down at his brother. "Why's that?"

Raph looked uncomfortable at the question, reluctant even, as he felt the stares from his two brothers. Talking about what Mikey had just remembered while still in the same room…It just felt… wrong somehow. He was sure that Mikey wouldn't be upset with him- he would probably be grateful that he wouldn't have to suffer through the tale again, but Still…

"Perhaps, My sons, we should speak of this in another room."

Three sets of eyes looked up at the door where their father stood.

Raph was grateful for the intrusion, but he noticed with some curiosity that Leo had only briefly made eye contact before looking away. Did Mr. Goody-two-shoes look..guilty?

Raph decided to ignore that for now, nodding at his fathers words as he stood up, looking back at his youngest brother again.

"Michelangelo will be asleep for some time now, I think." Splinter said, understanding his son's hesitation.

Raph nodded again, some tension easing from his shoulder. "Yeah, I think so too."

He made his way to the door, followed by Leo- who glanced back again at Mikey but kept his head bowed as he walked past his father. Donatello stood beside his brother still, pulling up the thin cover to his chest- distractedly smoothing out some of the wrinkles.

With a knowing look, and a nod toward the others to go ahead, sensei stepped beside him, gently grabbing his arm when Donatello reached to check his brothers bandages.

"Donatello."

His son had instantly paused at his touch, but had not looked up; Splinter did not need to see his face to know how lost he was feeling.

"I…I should change the bandages," Don offered weakly, "I haven't since he woke up and it could get infected and.."

"My son."

Donnie swallowed, hesitantly looking over; his fathers understanding gaze was more than appreciated.

"I know you are concerned," he intoned, "But I feel it best to wait on such matters; I know you would not wish to wake your brother, now that he is finally sleeping so peacefully."

Donatello looked slightly abashed, but nodded.

"Go and join your brothers then." he instructed. "I believe Raphael has something important to tell us."

"Yes, sensei," he replied, glancing again at Michelangelo before quickly hurrying away.

Splinter stood a moment longer, sighing as Donatello left, and looking down at his youngest. Although Michelangelo was sleeping peacefully, he sensed the turmoil of emotions just below the surface- and was troubled by its intensity. There was something more at work here- just as Leonardo has said before; something more than just guilt over what he had put his family through. Splinter prayed that his son's resurfacing memories would not damage his spirit any further- that they would face this as a family and help Michelangelo recovery.

He shook himself from his musings; his other sons were no doubt waiting for his arrival. He touched the side of Michelangelo's face, whispered for him to rest well, and finally departed.

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When Mikey woke up some time later, it was to a soft thump and gentle pressure on his stomach. blinking the sleep from his eyes, he looked down at the small orange ball of fur standing on his plastron.

"Huh?...klunk?"

The cat gave a tiny 'mew', one paw coming up toward Mikey's face; as if to confirm that his master was actually awake.

Mikey grinned and then with some effort, and a low groan, he managed to use his good arm to push himself upright; Klunk settled comfortably in his lap and peered up at him. Mikey smiled softly, bringing his hand up to gently pet the feline; who purred and leaned into his touch.

"How'd you get in here, Klunkers?" he asked, his eyes wandering to the open infirmary door, and then to the chair that was still next to his bed. He grinned proudly and turned his attention back to the orange furball in his lap.

"Who's the smartest kitty in the whole wide world?" he cooed.

Klunk meowed as if answering, and Mikey chuckled softly, scratching behind his ears. The small cat purred in satisfaction, attempting to nuzzle Mikey's hand.

"Aw, did you miss daddy too?" he asked, his smile growing somewhat sad.

'I hope someone's been feeding him. He definitely looks fed. Probably Leo; Mr. Responsibility.' Mikey frowned and looked around. 'It's weird waking up without anyone here. Wonder where they are. Wasn't Raph-'

With jolt Mikey suddenly remember waking up before, upset. He remembered how he'd spoke to Raph, told him about the dream he'd had. No, not a dream. A memory.

He was nearly overcome with emotion at the time too, and had openly cried in his brothers arms- even yelled at him at some point.

'Oh man.' he thought, feeling every bit ashamed and embarrassed by his little episode as he should have been then. 'I can't believe I cried like that. Again. And what I remembered..it was just…shell.'

A soft mew and a gently brush against his hand reminded him of his company. A sand paper tongue licked his now immobile hand, and feline eyes peered up at him with concern.

The others would probably say that a cat couldn't possible looked concerned or sympathetic, or even understand what was going on, but Mikey knew better. Klunk was smart; smarter than any cat he'd ever seen.

He gently scratched the small cat on the head, offering a small smile to his concerned pet.

"I'm okay, buddy- well, maybe not 100%, but definitely getting there." his smile became more genuine when he felt the honesty in his words.

Physically, he really did feel a lot better now: He'd managed to sit up by himself, his ribs weren't as painful as before, and there was no dizziness. His headache also, seemed nearly nonexistent. Other then a few aches, the only noticeable thing was his arm, which was still tender and seemed to throb persistently, but it was a familiar pain…one he'd come to accept now.

It was more than just physical too, he didn't feel as…heavy..as he did before. He wasn't sure how long that would last though; he didn't feel as if he had much control over when he became upset. Still, to know that Raph wasn't going to blame himself for what happened, and to have Raph reassure him that he wasn't to blame either- it felt good. Now if only he could be sure that Don and Leo weren't still beating themselves over the whole thing.

'It's wasn't anyone's fault.' he assured himself. "It was that…thing. It did all this.'

He took a breath, looking over at his injured arm; heavily bandaged on his shoulder and upper arm, and lighter bandaging down to his elbow. He had a sickening feeling that he had awoken just before remembering how he'd received such a wound. He frowned at the thought, swallowing against the emotions inside him….burried…threatening to come forth and overwhelm him again.

'It's over now. I'm home. Safe.'

"It's over." he repeated out loud, and Klunk gave a curious 'mew' in response.

Mikey offered the cat another smile, and a gentle stroke against his fur.

Seeming satisfied, Klunk proceeded to stretch lazily, both paws going forward to lightly press against his master's stomach, just below the light bandaging for his ribs.

Mikey tensed, eyes widened slightly in nervousness.

"Oh man…" he whispered, the pressure in his lower stomach making itself known. "I seriously gotta go."

Kluck tilted his head slightly, "Mew?"

* * *

"Sensei?"

Master Splinter looked up from his spot at the kitchen table, already having sensed his eldest sons presence lingering by the door.

"Leonardo." he greeted him with a nod, and watched his son take a hesitant step into the room.

"Sensei I..," leo paused, looking ashamed before plunging ahead. "I want to apologize for earlier. I should not have disobeyed you- you were right to let Raph handle things with Mikey and I should have had more faith in your decision."

Splinter regarded his eldest son quietly for a moment.

"I do not believe your actions were a result of lack of faith in me, my son, but rather that of your brother- Raphael."

Leo winced, looking away.

"Hai, sensei." he replied, swallowing. "I have every intention of apologizing to him as well. I didn't mean to, that is..I only wanted to help. I'm sorry."

Master Splinter had already risen from his seat and now stood in front of his very humbled and guilt ridden son.

"Leonardo, I do not fault you for wanting to help your brother- it is very difficult for any of us to idly sit by when we know one of our own is suffering. It is especially hard for you, My son- since you take on such responsibility for your brothers, and for their burdens. It is a testimony to your loyalty as both a Leader and an elder brother."

Leo looked up.

"But understand, my son," Master Splinter continued, "that although you wish to protect them, you must accept that there will be times that you can not. Sometimes you must believe in your brothers, and stand aside- let them learn from their mistakes and grow. Trust that they will make the right decisions for themselves, and to be there for one another."

Leo nodded slowly, thoughtfully.

"I know this will not come easy for you Leonardo." Master Splinter intoned, the barest hints of a smile on his face. "You are still learning- just as they are, but I have no doubt that you will continue to succeed."

Leo smiled faintly in return. "Thank you, Sensei. I'll try and make you proud."

"You do, my son." He replied, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Always."

* * *

**Yep. Another problem I am facing with this, is that I'm trying to give everyone an equal role. I don't wanna leave any of the turtles out. I love them all. Plus I love brotherly concern and interactions. I just love it. So there XD**

**Anyway. I hope I figure out how to balance this story out. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed...you all rock!**

**^_^ peace and Love. **


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